Am I a bad mom?

So I’m usually amazing with my kid and I do love him with my whole heart and he honestly saved me as I probs would’ve killed myself by now if it wasn’t for him.

Anyway I was tired last night and when he woke up for a bit of water he had started going back off to sleep but then my family members came upstairs and was talking loudIsh as they did which obviously disturbed him but he thought it was playtime. Then he started crying and crying so I put him in my bed gave him a cuddle and he started going back off but then he shot back up and kept trying to climb off the bed so I put him back in his cot. He started screaming the place down so I repeated what he did and then in the end left him in the cot for about 10 minutes crying as he would not go to sleep!

In the end I lost my rag and obviously started shouting at him as I was tired etc etc. He was screaming from about 2 hours before I started shouting at him as it was getting to 12/12:30. He pulled my hair and kept kicking me so I tapped his hand as normally when you tell him no he listens and stops what he’s doing, he stopped pulling my hair and kicking me but still kept screaming down the house. He’d doze off, shoot back up and obviously I’d try to cuddle him and give him a kiss and act like I’m going to sleep with him but nothing was working! I’m pretty to sure I said something horrible too as I was half asleep and exhausted like I hate you sometimes not you but this screaming and winging when you should be asleep. I then obviously felt very bad and gave him a kiss When he eventually went to sleep about 2/230am I’m crying, he was crying but stopped and he woke back up at 20 past 5, I’m ratty and feeling bad but still shouted to go back to sleep, I then said wait do you want a drink? And then ran down and made him some juice and he drank it and tried to get back up but then he instead cuddled me and went to sleep.

My mom was telling me to stop moaning at him but I thought this was hypocritical and she moans at him more than me and I hardly rarely moan at him and she always says stuff like you need to smack him he’s going to rule you which I don’t agree with as I hardly ever smack my child’s hand unless it’s something that could hurt him or others such as going near the fire place, or throwing things like his wooden toy saucepan at people.

I feel so bad I’ve cuddled and kissed him told him I’m sorry etc but it’s just playing on my mind. I feel like such a bad mom.

Is this normal? I’m a single mother, so I’m with my child 24/7, I hardly get a break from him other than once in a blue moon for an hour or 2. My sister always gets a break from her children yet her babyfather is in the picture my mom always ends up babysitting them or having them overnight so they can have “their” time but if I ask for one night at my Friends for a break to mentally restore myself and get some proper sleep I literally get made to feel so bad bearing in mine my child doesn’t go to sleep at anyone’s house other than ours and he only sleeps in his cot or my bed. I don’t have any “me” time other than an hour or 2 hardly ever and that’s only to do shopping.

My sisters child is horrible to my child and my mom hardly tells him off yet feels free to moan at mine when my child hits him back.

My bags under my eyes have gotten so bad to the point where people have commented on them or asked if their makeup and meant to be there because I hardly get any sleep

I love my child with my whole heart, don’t get me wrong sometimes he does my head in or makes me stress or break down but I love him and he means everything to me I was exhausted. (I have my own house but it’s being decorated and the gas man has to come out as it’s not safe at the moment so I’m at my moms)