Intimacy in marriage

I have been married for almost 3 years now and been together with my husband for 5 years. We have 4 kids together. We have an intimacy problem. We do not have sex all the time but when we do it’s good. I am a stay at home mom and I am usually pretty tired at the end of the day but I still want to have sex but I may not always want to have sex as much as he does. I think our main problem is that he doesn’t talk about his feelings. He is former military and I’m not sure if all former military are like this or if it’s just my husband. I have suggested we go talk to someone like couples therapy but he refuses. He doesn’t do sweet gestures for me that much and i try to do them for him but i feel like I’m putting in more of an effort in our relationship than he is. Please I need help I don’t want my marriage to end if anyone has any suggestions I would love to hear them.