IM SORRY ITS SO LONG! BUT PLEASE IM IN DESPERATE NEED OF HELP/ ADVISE!!!

My bf (M36) and me (F24) have been together for almost a year and a half. And on our 6 month anniversary his father passed away (among other tragedies, but this obviously hit him the hardest).

We’ve had an amazing relationship, and I think we are really good for each other and I know I can make him really happy. Based on what his told me for the most part I’ve been able to do waaay more for him than his ex’s combined! We also haven’t had a normal relationship, I came over for the first time to pick up a gift and literally never left. So we didn’t experience some of those beginner steps of a relationship, especially bc COVID hit so we’ve been literally together 24/7 since.

His been having a really hard time with his father’s death and I think it has a lot to do with the fact that (his family is catholic) and they have yet to buried him in church (this due to his mom not being ready) all of that completely understandable! But I feel like it’s prohibited him from even starting the grieving process and instead of getting better he’s getting worse and worse. Honestly I’m afraid his going through a depression, I’ve been doing some research and I see the signs, I’m not a doctor but I fear that he is.

Anyways he broke up with me yesterday because lately I’ve had an ugly mouth and I’ve said things that have hurt him and he obviously doesn’t need that. They are not on purpose it’s during an argument or something, and he himself has admit that if he wasn’t going through all this those comments wouldn’t hurt at all. And that if anything he’d turn it into a growing experience.

I have realized that I’m toxic for him, so I completely understand him wanting me out of his life. And I’ve realized I’m toxic because he doesn’t want to be around me. But I know I can be good for him! Like I said I’ve helped him more than his ex’s combined. And I know that I can change and more importantly I WANT to change, especially because this is an ugly habit that I don’t want as part of my personality.

(Also he’s done this before where he wants to break up and a few days later we’ll come back together and he’ll realize that he does want to be with me, the only difference is that this time he has removed me from social media stuff and has asked for my plans on moving out so that’s why I know this is more real.)

I am deeply in love with him and I don’t want to lose him, and I don’t want to be toxic, and I don’t want to have a big mouth. I know that I can control my mouth which is our issue. I know he still loves me and I know our relationship is still salvageable, it’s just lately I’ve had such a big mouth that it has caused him to not want to be around me and that’s the biggest part I need help with getting that connection back.

I’m not trying to force something, if I can’t be good for him I will accept it. But I want to at least try, bc I know that I can. It’s kinda like when someone cheats and they dont want to be around the other person so they break up, but sometimes they just need time and they’re able to work things out.

Pleas help😭