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Maybe do coupes sex therapy. Then find a sex compromise.
What do you do if you love someone but the sex is AWFUL
To preface this, let me just say I was gonna post this on Reddit but my partner is on there and follows all the boards I would usually post this kinda stuff on. So I’m coming here and I seriously need some advice. So basically my partner has really bizarre kinks. Like extremely bizarre. And gross. I try doing mild versions of his kink but it’s boring, gross, and no matter how I try to view it from every angle I just can’t for the life of me even begin to get into it even just enough for the performance to be semi believable. I just never could get into it and as time goes on I actually am beginning to straight up hate his kink. He also can barely get hard during sex, bjs, anything like that. So sex is awkward for me pretty much all the time. I’m very submissive and I like dominant men and have hardcore kinks surrounding that archetype. He is also very submissive and likes dominant woman and his hardcore kinks solely surround that. It sucks. So so bad. I love him a lot, we have a child together and in the beginning he was the best I ever had, then we went through a real rough patch with our relationship and ever since he’s just SUCKED in bed. To the point where I’m like “okay. So I’ll never have good sex again.” Sometimes I’m fine with that and other times I actually get really depressed about it. He would tell me all the time that he’s gonna try to get better at it like he used to be but it’s still literally never good and at this point I just feel bad that he keeps trying and I keep hating it. So I told him he doesn’t really need to try anymore and it since I know penetrative sex doesn’t really arouse him anyway. Im just confused on what to do and need advice. I’ve tried so hard to get into his kink. I’ve tried getting plastered drunk just so I’m able to perform it without getting embarrassed, and not only that but I’ve also performed his kink a lot for him since I originally thought “okay, if I just keep doing his kink maybe he’ll be more confident doing mine. I just gotta make the sacrifice.” We’re just not sexually compatible at all. But we love each other. What would you guys do in this situation?
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Not trying to put you on the spot, but I think I really could give more specific advice if I know what the kink is and what about it is the issue for you.Maybe if I share a similar situation? I HATE feet. If I could live my life without them I'd chop them off. They're disgusting. My DD/fiance has a mild foot fetish, nothing major. But his major thing, what really gets him going, is being just outright nasty. We get raunchy in bed. I don't even want to talk about some of the things he's made me do. And to be sadistic about it, he'll throw in orders to lick his feet, he'll step on my face, stuff like that. At first it kinda killed the mood for me. But I knew it wasn't going to stop and I knew he was enjoying it for the torture of it so I decided to make the most of it and change the way I was thinking about it.Obviously I don't know what your man's kink is so I can't help more specifically at this point but maybe there's a way to change your frame of mind on the matter? Get back to where you used to be? Otherwise maybe couple's therapy would be the way to go.
I don’t think you should give up on your sex life, you both are submissive and I think it can still happen. Penetrative sex is hard for him but can he compromise and at least try to please you in some other way? Like fingering, eating you out, maybe use toys to finish you off? Is the reason for you not being able to get into this kink bc it triggers you or you are just not into it? My advice to you is talk to your partner how you want to explore more. Spice things up maybe look into other kinks, build it up and schedule out sex.
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