Not sure if I should be numb this cycle?

I took a few cycles off to regroup & get to a specialist, finally. She changed how I am taking Famara & added Ovidril. She thinks it’s a high chance this cycle could be the one. I want to be so excited, I want to be positive to the moon & back. I’m truly scared to let myself be excited or happy. I fear it would utterly destroy me if I do & it doesn’t work out.

On top of all that I feel increasingly alone on this journey. I don’t talk about it to my family or friends. Mainly because I am sick of the judgment & comments about stopping & being thankful that I finally got a child in the first place. Then there’s my husband; who insists that either way is okay with him. More kids, no more kids, it’s all up to me. Then he goes & makes comments as if he thinks we shouldn’t be trying for another child.

Thank you for letting me vent.