Confused

Ok ladies parden the bad grammer please here it goes

In January I hooked up with this guy who i started talking to in August (a day before I had my son)talked to for awhile (just friends i wanted nothing more)my husband at the time really showed no care in the world for me i was just there for his sexual pleasure. So I just wanted somone to talk to since josh would write me everyday very friendly thought he was just looking for friends. then we didn't talk for a couple months I was trying to get my marriage together he had gotten married in the 4 month time frame we hadn't talked . Well we met at Walmart he came up to me and told me he got married but wasn't married anymore and he got an analment and saying he shouldn't have gotten married. Long story short we hooked up , tmi as he was doing his (pull out game) he got a little in me and on my butt check I thought it was just my butt check but it resulted in a pregnancy which I do but don't understand how I am pregnant. Ladies this is the fucked up part after we hooked up I get a nasty message from his wife saying she throws hands and whats hers is her and I had no idea who this lady was well after an hour of crying and apologizing and telling her ALL the details before and after she accepted my oppologie I had no idea he was married still my aunt was with me that day at walmart aswell . But , she told me it was to much stress on her and she was going to lose her and joshes baby . I told her ide do anything to make it up I kept explaining and explaining I honestly had no idea they were still together all hed say is he regretted marring her and hes glad he was away from her. she said her friends are in her ear saying how could I not know and I wanted the scum bag . I was brutally onest because if I was in her shoes which I have been i told her everything I would want to know I am a very honest person . I even met her in person at the beach gave her a hug and another oppology she kept telling me it was OK she accepted it we were friends and if it wasn't with me he would have cheated with somone else. I told her if she wanted to kick my ass that was fine I would take it she said she didn't want to we were friends . After that day he kept trying to get back with her she wrote me josh and I were perfect for each other blocks me . Well today I am pregnant and she lost her baby which I still get very upset about they tried to get pregnant I didn't. I guess they are divorced now he wrote me on Facebook a month ago apologizing saying what he did was wrong and he should have ended things with her before trying to get with me (I guess he called me the crazy stalker girl to her) and he was saying if I didn't want a relationship ship with him of any kind he understood then I told him how he was monster and I was pregnant with his baby. He said it wasn't his but hes the only one I had intercorse with in January. He then proceeded to tell me it'd be a beautiful baby and then he switched to he couldn't deal with me being pregnant right now so he blocked me on Facebook. Today I wrote him on Instagram telling him I havemy first OB appointment (17w2d) tomorrow and if I get an aultrsound would he like a picture ?. (Dont know why I did that I guess I just wanted the dad in the babies life so dumb of me ) I told him after hurting me blocking me on Facebook when. He new I was pregnant the least he could do for me is try with (our baby) idk if he even read it he blocked me on Instagram aswell. At least I gave it a shot at least I will love this baby . He turned out to be a monster in a mask he protrude himself as a hard working hard loving man who was better than all the other losers I was with and he would talk about wanting babies with me when we first started talking and I told him the only babies I want was with my husband and hed tell how we were ment to be and I would have his baby one day . Well here I am not sure whether to hate him or pray for him. Ladies my heart still hurts as it should ill never get over this he really broke my heart I opened up more to him than my husband he new me inside and out and use it against me to get what he wanted 💔