Emotional day.....

It might be because im about to start AF, im not sure. But i do know im again out this month. I have a 4 year old daughter, my husband has two kids 9 and 7. When we started trying we of course didnt think it would come to this. I've come to the conclusion now that i dont think ill ever have the joy of being pregnant again. All because of an infection i got from someone before i met my husband. I found out after a year of trying, january this year, that i had chlamydia and i had apparently had it for atleast two years. My husband tested negative. So in my head i was thinking "well if it wasnt strong enough for me to give it to him it couldnt have done any damage right?". I found out last month i was wrong after having an hsg done. Nothing got through my tubes one bit, besides very little on my left side that my dr said sperm probably wont be able to get through. But he wanted me to go ahead and keep trying. If im not pregmant by january come back and see me! He said. Now 2 days late for af thinking hmmm is it possible???? No its not. Check and find an open cervix which means here comes af soon! Im fine, i can handle that, until i get on facebook. My lovely beautiful friends pictures of ger newborn baby girl. Im soo insanely happy for her but cant help think wow that should be me. Im always hearing "you have 3 kids you dont need anymore!". Yeah its true in total we have full custody of our 3 kids. But we want one together. So yes we love our kids but we need more because we are not done. But at the same time it seems my body is saying i am since its not happening.

Well if anyone actually read all of this thank you. As i said, its just an emotional day.