So confused

This is long just need someone to vent to, as I have no one to go to openly about this. I was with this guy for 2 years.. He cheated and lied to me about everything. He kept going back n forth between me and his other baby momma the whole relationship. I took him back after the last time he cheated (with a different ex) that I know about and told him I wanted a family. Well I ended up pregnant we stayed together until I was 17 weeks, I'm now 29. He left because I did not trust him with his baby momma because he was lying about what they did "we are outside her house" turned out to be out to dinner with the baby. If he didn't lie I would of been okay with it, the girl is crazy would talk all this shit to me then turn around and tell him i said it. So i sent him the screenshots lol she don't like me. But anyways he left me for this new girl total opposite of what he normally goes for, claims to love her and is his soulmate. he will come over drunk when they get in arguments and I can't turn him away as I'm afraid he will wreck and die, plus I wanted to be able to get along with him for the child. But these 2 times he's came when they fight we have had sex he will tell me he loves me, hug and kiss all over. Then he tells me not to tell her or he will come kill himself in my yard. I'm to the point where I have told him I will not let him know anything about the baby but I feel bad for saying it.. He begs me to let him be there, and I want to let him but only time he will refer to her as his daughter is when I tell him I'm done and want him gone forever. Today I told him I was blocking him for the time being because I'm sick of doing everything right and still can't give my daughter the family she deserves. He ended up calling me telling me "I just wanted you to know I'm a loser and waste of space, I want to tell you something but I know you'll hold it against me, I can't come see you because I'm on drugs and I don't want you to see me like this I'm broken and have no feeling." I messaged him telling him the reason he takes pills is to numb his regret of leaving 2 babies. I don't know what to do, I want what's best for my baby. He's 23 I'm 18. If you were in my shoes what would you do? I can't get myself to block him I always unblock within 3 mins I love him still. Its driving me nuts.