Virtually open relationship?

Question

Due to the struggle of infertility and his low self-esteem, sex has been a struggle for us lately. I have a high testosterone level and he has a decreased one which also plays a role. But sex has been robotic, just for the sole purpose of ttc, despite my efforts to spicy things up and trying to keep it spontaneous, most of the time he doesn’t seem interested. Lately I feel like we are basically just roommates sharing a bed. I’ve branched out and have been going on online adult chat sites lately and have found so much more excitement that I have felt in the past year of TTC and have even encouraged him to go on the site in an effort to get him to become more adventurous. At this point, I’m considering asking for an open relationship just to spicy up our dying sex life. We’ve only been married for 2 years, together for 5. I’m afraid it’s just going to get worse from here.

Answer

This is a recipe for disaster. I’m so sorry you are struggling with infertility. It can truly make or break a relationship. 
My husband and I struggled with infertility for 4 years and probably was close to divorce twice over that time period. Sex does become more of a chore so we learned how to spice things up together. We stopped tracking and just had sex every other day. We tried new things and dated again. We went out. Had fun and came back to have sex. But we tried not to make it about baby making and just enjoyed each other. It takes time and effort to get back to that but we became us again. 
Nothing is wrong with open relationships if that’s what you want. However, you started this marriage monogamous so don’t be surprised if your husband is against this and divorces you for wanting to go outside the marriage. The online chats would’ve been enough for me to divorce my husband personally since I consider that cheating.

Answer

Why don't you make the effort and spice up your relationship instead of stepping outside your marriage. I mean how about you boost his confidence by actually desiring him....
I mean its whatever works for you, but if that were my husband he'd feel rejected and not good enough or vice versa.

Answer

I think every couple is allowed to make their own rules, so if open is what you both agree to, go for it. 
I hope you’re doing it for the right reasons. If his drive is low due to hormones, spice” isn’t his problem. His drive is simply low. 
If ttc stress is the main factor, You could remove the ttc pressure and start just having fun again. Take a break. Don’t tell him when you’re ovulating. Be spontaneous. 
I feel like these things are fixable, and branching out to others is a big leap. It won’t solve your problem in the long run. It’s a lifestyle, not a bandaid.

Answer

It works for some people, but you'll have to be careful with respecting each other's feelings through this. 
And, if he has no sex drive, he may not be that interested in other people. 
My relationship may be open again someday. Last time it was (polyamourous, actually) my partner was looking for other dates and talked to a few, didn't find anyone cool.
And I wasn't interested in talking to others at all at the time & focused on myself. 
I would watch some videos by other people who have done this to see what you should consider before this conversation.

Answer

I feel like there are more ways to spice up your marriage than immediately jumping into an open relationship. I feel like that’s like doing shots of liquor for your first time drinking. To each their own, but this seems like a total recipe for disaster. It sort of seems like you’ve checked out of everything related to your relationship. Maybe couples therapy as well as “dating” your spouse would be a good option. I think there’s a lot more going on than just needing to spice things up

Virtually open relationship?

Let’s Glow

Glow is here for you on your path to pregnancy

25+ million

4.8 stars

20+

Getting Pregnant

Pregnancy

1st Year (Baby & You)

Baby Products