I’m having some pretty intense Braxton Hicks on occasion now (24w) which I know can be perfectly normal.

However, they have me questioning if I can manage a fourth natural delivery. Last labor was a traumatic one. My placenta abrupted, premature delivery, I thought my baby was dead (they couldn’t find a hr), I thought I was going to die from the hemorrhaging and just wanted the baby and placenta out so they could fix and save me, and the pain was above and beyond anything I had felt in my previous deliveries partly due to the abrupted placenta and partly due to the fear. I definitely experienced some ptsd after that delivery. Hospitals make me nauseated to the point of throwing up. I have panic attacks looking back at certain photos from our hospital stay. I once saw our nicu featured on the news and had to leave the room because I felt in such a panic.

Now, when I get one of those intense Braxton Hicks, I start to feel that anxiety attack build. Luckily, because they’re few and far between, I can manage through the one contraction and breathe through it and bring my anxiety level back down.

However, when real labor hits, that’s going to be one after another, not just a handful a day, and I have no idea how I’m going to manage that.

I DO NOT want pain meds.

Has anyone experienced a natural delivery after a truly traumatic one where you had ongoing ptsd after? How did you get through?

Is birthing without fear a good book to read to help bring my anxiety down about delivery? Any other book suggestions?

Just to add, I did therapy with two separate therapists who specialize in traumatic deliveries and didn’t feel either really helped.