I didn’t expect to get any stretch marks bc I’ve always been told it’s “genetic” and if your mother and sister didn’t get them etc you most likely won’t so it’s not even something I’ve been thinking about this whole time because my mom and sister didn’t get any until their second or third babies, none with their firsts. But now I realize neither of them gained anywhere near as much weight as I have. My sister gained maybe 29lbs by the time she delivered. I’m 30 weeks and have already gained about 50. About a week ago I realized I had red stretchmarks on one of my butt cheeks. They just popped up overnight and hit me with such shock. Now I feel silly for even being surprised bc my butt and hips have grown soooooo big they were the first thing to grow and have honestly grown bigger than my stomach. But since I first noticed them a week ago, I’ve noticed many more, on the widest parts of my hips/sides of my butt. It’s strange bc the ones on the sides of my hips are white already. They were never red ThAts why I never noticed them. They are already silver so I know they’re here to stay. But I just feel so stupid now for being so naive and For never trying to control the outrageous amount of weight I’ve been gaining. Eating like a mad horse and eating whatever the hell I want. I’ve done really bad. And knew I was getting too big and gaining too much too fast and never did anything about it and now it’s definitely too late. I’m 31 weeks in a few days... still have two months give or take to get even bigger. I could start eating better now and I’m going to, but the damage is done I’m afraid. I’m sure I’ll have a stomach full of stretch marks too by the time I’m at the end and be left with loads of loose skin that will never be tight again. I mean I am really really big and I can’t believe I let this happen! It’s just the thought of it being so irreversible. I know illget used to it someday and honestly when I had thought about stretch marks in the past I didn’t really think they’d bother me like this. but seeing them popping up is just... something so strange. It’s like.. it really hits you that your body will never be the same. And also this feeling of regret and disappointment in myself. I know plenty of women who really took care of themselves when they were pregnant; never let it get out of hand, and got to go back to their pre mom bods. I was around 135 when I got pregnant and I was 184 last time I got weighed. Idk. I know I sound so stupid and my baby is all I should care about I already know everyone will say they’re my tiger stripes and mom bods are hot and they don’t make anyone less beautiful and I know all this... but I still am feeling so low about it...

Especially because I’m single. I’ve been abandoned by the father of the baby who got me pregnant on purpose bc he said he wanted a child with me.. just to be cheating and leave me when he got caught. And I just have so much hatred like.. he left me to go through my first pregnancy alone and depressed and got to do whatever he wanted and on top of it my body is wrecked and changed forever and nothing has happened to him. And when he left and we’d argue he’d say things like “you’re going to get huge” “you’re gunna be so fat” “you’re going to have so many stretch marks you’ll never be the same” and i thought nope I won’t bc this is my first baby I’ll be fine .. but he was right.

Now I’m just scared I won’t have the confidence to go out and date again and I don’t want to be alone forever. I won’t be scared that guys won’t want me bc I know any decent guy wouldn’t care but it’s just how I’ll feel about myself that will prevent me from actually trying or going out with anyone. Idk

Ugh!! I’m sorry this is so long I’m just venting...

it is what it is there’s nothing I can do. I should’ve been more careful all this time and taken better care of myself. I think if I would have eaten right and not let myself gain so much and I got stretch marks anyway, I Wouldn’t feel so bad. Bc I’ll know did my best. It’s the fact that I could’ve avoided it and didn’t and ate so much and so terribly and never worked out that makes me mad at myself...