I need help but I’m not ready


Reality is I know I should start therapy or at least counselling, But I am just not ready to talk about how I feel.

Growing up was pretty shitty (I’m 19). My mother was an alcoholic and bulimic and one who also turned to pills in her lowest points.

She went to rehab for 3 months (where i didn’t get to see her) and my grandad also died during those 3 months

My mental health got very bad at the time and when I told my dad about it I was told that I should be grateful that my mother is getting the help she needs (this was 2 years ago and shes gone back to her old ways)

I moved out last year for college and that freedom really helped my mental health, although I always kept feelings to myself.

A few weeks ago I happened to get really drunk and told my housemates about the truth (about how im not the happy girl they think I am) and they told me my best bet is to think about therapy.

I have given it some thought and I agree i should probably go just to talk about those old thoughts and feelings as they are always on my mind. Even though I’m not at home I’m always calling up asking my brothers how she is on that day.

What do ye think should I go and just talk before it gets worse for me or do I wait till I’m ready for talking about it? Currently even the thought of talking about it without being drunk is making me nauseous and like I’m about to have a breakdown