Just not feeling it

I am currently 24 weeks pregnant and I have a son that will be three on the 29th of this month. My sons father and I are always at odds about how to parent our Son as well as how to make our relationship work. I’ll give y’all some background for a little more understanding....

When my first son was conceived I was legally married to someone else. We had been separated for almost year and needless to say we were both seeing other people. I had just so happened to break things off with my Sons father in order to give my marriage one last try. In the middle of all this I find out I’m pregnant after trying for several years with my Husband. I was heart broken because I knew the baby wasn’t my husbands child therefore I knew that deciding to keep my baby would change my life for more then reason. I admit that selfishly I didn’t tell my Sons father I was pregnant but I did tell my Husband. We agreed to keep the details about his paternity between us and we would raise him with my Husband being the father. My Husband seemed to be okay living with this but I on the other hand was not. I could not live the lie and the strain it took on our marriage was eventually the end of my marriage. If I was to tell my sons father the truth then I would lose my Husband. My son meant more to me so I did what I felt was right and told my Sons father so that he could have the chance to know his son. After all he deserves that....

Fast forward my Sons father and decide that we want to give our son something we both never had which is a two parent household. We are now a year in and here are my issues.

1. I think he is wayyy to hard on our Son. He’s only two and he’s expected to act as though he’s not. He’s tall and looks like he’s about 4 so dads stance is since he looks older he should treated that way. I think he should be allowed to be the two year old that he is. As a black boy he will spend his whole life being told how to “act” and I think he should be able to be who he wants to be when he’s safe at home.

2. He thinks that breaking our bond will make their bond stronger since he’s “playing catch up”. He gets extremely mad if my son and I cuddle together (like when watching a movie) or when I hold his hand. Even when we’re walking across a street he gets mad when I make our son hold me hand. He says I’m “crippling him”. He goes as far as to things like my son is “infatuated “ with me when I think he’s being a normal two year old boy. My Son is to the point where if we are all in the same room he’s literally confused as to if he should interact with me because he knows his dad wit get upset.

3. With this baby he thinks I should have no say in what we name him. And the name he has picked out is terrible. He has 6 daughters and our sons are his first boys so he feels that because he has more kids then me and he’s older that he’s a better parent then me which is non sense because although his daughter love him he doesn’t have the best relationship with any of them.

4. To top it all off our relationship as a couple sucks. He talks about himself 24/7 and Shows no genuine interest in trying to get to know me... And this is a year in. He’s not affectionate at all the only time we connect physically outside of sex is when I’m rubbing his back or his head which I get no affection in return. He talks about his past relationships and ex’s so much I’m ready to tell him to give them another try since he has so much to say about them all the time and he still introduces me to everyone as his “baby mama ” like he don’t have 4 of them. He doesn’t help me with bills at all unless I ask and even then it’s a struggle. We lived together for 6 months and he’s given me $200 one time to help with rent but he thinks I’m supposed to treat him like a king or some shit. Idk y’all he claims to love me and says he wants this to work but I do t see it. I could go on and on but this is already painfully long. With this new baby coming I’m so torn. I even thought about abortion because I feared resenting the baby but I’m not cut from that cloth and just couldn’t do it. I’m happy that my Son will have a brother but it’s bitter sweet because I don’t see this lasting. I will always do what’s best for my boys and I think that may be moving on from this relationship. I guess I’m just disappointed because I wanted them to experience a two parent home. If the home is not happy then I don’t see the point.