I cheated on husband he says he forgives me I have anxiety if I can’t have sex

I cheated with three different men during hookups one of the guys I did it with said he also was having problems with his girlfriend. Okay so me and my husband have been married for 2 years and dated 4 years. I asked my husband for couples therapy for our sexless marriage he didn’t want to I talked to him many times he just ignored me and said our sex life once a week was fine. He only ate me out once in 4 years he says it’s not necessary to do to a women. I love him so much and he says he loves me too and yes I used condoms with people I was with. I can’t with this pain of loving my husband but being so desperate to feel what I been wanting to feel for so long. I told him once that I cheated on him he said he forgave me but I think he didn’t really believe me and is blind in love with me that he didn’t even notice. That our only problem not enough sex anymore like the start he always wanted to do it while we dated but not anymore. We have a one year old daughter and sometimes I have sent her with my mom to see if something might change but didn’t I don’t even know if to work it out anymore. He was also texting girls on messenger. He has never had sex with someone else I know I have said really mean and nasty things to him and that’s why he was giving girls hearts emojis on Facebook he didn’t say anything sexual to other girls tho. He say