Ttc is extremely frustrating. Huge rant.

I wish ttc wasn’t so frustrating. I get so jealous seeing everyones bfp!

Currently CD 42 and beginning to think i’m right back at square one. For years upon years i’ve dealt with anovulatory cycles where i’d never have a period at all and would have to induce one just to prevent endometrial cancer. Then I was prescribed on Clomid as the beginning part of medical fertility intervention. First round failed, second round worked! But still failed to get pregnant. But at least with Clomid I had periods. Doctor told me I get three rounds before starting Femara. But overall doctor also told me the risks with taking fertility medication and how it can cause fluid to build up in abdomen which can be a medical emergency if I take it too often. So after the 2nd try, I wanted to see if body would hopefully be jump started to ovulate on it’s own.

It didn’t. Being back prescribed on Provera, eventually then I was told i’ve taken it for too long and I need to get my body to start having cycles of its own and was offered birth control for short time to jump start my cycles. Fail and SUCCESS! Always feared birth control when I first took it in my teens. Multiple brands (not at same time) always caused me to bleed with no stopping. Once I even bled for three months STRAIGHT. I’m talking heavy bleeding. Once again starting birth control, a week into starting it, here goes my bleeding again. Okay, no big deal. It’ll stop once my body was accustomed to it. Three weeks pass and i’m still bleeding. I immediately stopped it in fear of what has happened in the past.

BUT SUCCESS! I believe 28-35 days later, I have naturally started another period. Meaning I have finally naturally ovulated on my own! No confirmation so imma just assume I did. Regular flow and lasted within just a week. PERFECT! Then another month came by and I had another one, then another month another cycle! Upsetting despite my efforts to conceive and I never did, but the good thing is since I was bleeding, I was lessened my risk for endometrial cancer that i’ve feared for so long because I wouldn’t have periods unless they were induced. Three sweet months of having natural non induced cycles. Although my third cycle, I did bleed for 2 weeks. My first red flag something was wrong.

Started to buckle down this month. I couldn’t rely on premom or glow for ovulation prediction so I baby danced every chance I had. LEMME TELL YOU I’M TIRED OF BABY DANCING. Here we are. CD 42, barely any pms symptoms of what i’m used to having during either Clomid or just naturally having a cycle and I don’t see aunt flow coming any time soon. So far bfn on all hpt. Tried temping until I realized I was doing it all wrong. Been taking opks but unfortunately wasn’t keeping good track until recently. I’m giving it one more week until I call this cycle anovulatory.

If that’s the case i’m right back at square one. Another Provera prescription to induce a cycle, another ultrasound to see if I have a polyp since my HSG had a questionable result, and to get the boyfriend to do a semen analysis so I can have my last try on Clomid before moving onto Femara.

Why does this have to be so difficult? Everyone around me is getting their bfp and even some are accidental. Not upset others are accidentally getting pregnant but the fact it’s been so easy for others while I struggle over here. I just want my bfp 🥺🥺🥺🥺

Thanks for letting me blow some steam 🥺💕