For you mamas that have young toddlers how do you cope? Been depressed

Sorry if this is so long I just don’t know who to turn too. I have 2 kids close in age. My baby girl is 2 and my son is 1 I got pregnant with him when my daughter was only 5 months he was a NICU baby so he was born 27 weeks and I was so depressed from that. I am with their dad and I love him so much but sometimes I just don’t feel like myself I don’t know what I am anymore. I feel so ugly my whole house is a mess I overthink things about my relationship I’ve been so exhausted I’ve been very irritated for no reason at all that there are days when I don’t wanna be a mom. Now I’m not saying that because I don’t love my kids I love them to death I just want a fuckin break. Yes my husband helps out a lot but I am still fuckin drained. I cook twice a day there are times when I don’t wanna cook at all and just keep doing take out piles of laundry are stacked my 2 year old screaming too me and being extra clingy sometimes I just can’t take it toys are everywhere my son won’t latch anymore so I’m pumping but slowly giving up auntie has stage 5 colon cancer I’m a mess I withdraw from friends I get so exhausted I give my daughter her tablet and my son the tv not the whole day of course but i feel guilty that I’m not talking to them I just get drained lack of sleep I love being a mom I love my kids but I just wanna cry and run away sometimes 😥