TRIGGER WARNING

So this ones gonna be a bit long. I’ve always had a rocky relationship with my dad… when I was younger any time I didn’t do something right, he’d scream at me, get in my face, back me into corners.. he’d also get physical, like he would actually grab me by the arm and yank me hard enough he nearly pulled it out of socket quite a few times. Every time he “spanked me” he’d “accidentally” hit my thighs and leave bruises. Or he’d even grab my thighs and leave bruises… hell one day, I was 18 and PREGNANT.., like VERY pregnant… we got into it… so I went for a walk to calm down. When I got back, he was still going at it. I tried to lock him out, but he burst in the room and pinned me to my bed, damn near hit me in the stomach, screaming in my face. Then about a year later… I was getting something out of the dishwasher when we’d gotten into it. I slammed the dishwasher shut… my son was about 7-8 months old at that time. He got in my face, screaming, backed me up against the wall, and started hitting me. Repeatedly. My mom had to make him stop… then later told me I was “being dramatic” and he had only hit me once. Knowing damn well she watched him do it multiple times. That wasn’t the first time he’d done something like that either… there was one time he was screaming, in my face, threatening to “beat the shit out of me” because I wasn’t doing what I was supposed to. I tried calling the cops. And of course, they took his side. Told me if I called them again, they’d put me in juvenile… like wtf?! “You have all this stuff. Your parents obviously love you.” Like most of the stuff I had then was from my grandparents. At least 3/4 of it. The shelves that were up on my walls my granddaddy made for me. I kept trying to reach out for help, nobody would help. Fast forward to today. We come over here to wash some clothes bc my washer isn’t working properly, the drain off pipe is blocked or something… first thing my dad is flipping his shit because he can’t find his laptop charger. Starts yelling at my 8 year old because “he lost it…” then turns around and finds it by his chair… where HE had it. 🤦🏻‍♀️ later, my oldest is messing with him… playing keep the remote away. My dad decided it was okay to hit him in the ribs. Like what the actual FUCK?! He says “I was going for his arm but he moved it.” Mf you left a MARK ON HIM!!!!! I swear to goodness… he lays another hand on one of my kids in that manner… I’m gonna be rocking an orange jumpsuit. Because mama ain’t playing that shit. I’ve been nice. I’ve held my tongue. On occasion he’d do some shit that would trigger me, and I’d tell him that’s not necessary. Of course he’d always find reason for it to be. 🙄 like we were outside one day… my cousins dog got out and he jumped in my car. The kids were trying to help him get the dog back in the house. He started screaming at the top of his lungs at them. Everyone down the street looked at us like we were crazy. I said something then. I said something tonight. Told him NEVER touch my children like that again. Idgaf what they’re doing. Abuse is NOT OKAY!!! I hate to be “one of those people” but my kids will no longer be coming over here. Because I’m not having them grow up the way I did. My husband does things that trigger me sometimes… I say something and he’ll tell me “quit comparing me to your past.” Like I know you don’t mean to, but you KNOW there’s certain things that set me the fuck off.