Dealing with mom during wedding planning


I’m excited for my wedding, but when I talk to my parents about it, I get so sad/annoyed that I want to cancel the whole thing. They’ve tried to make me feel so guilty about the whole thing, to the point where the wedding venue person we met made comments about the awkwardness to me.

My sister is getting married in October and my wedding is in November. I would’ve had my wedding this summer, but my mom had multiple emotional meltdowns at me telling me I can’t get married before my older sister. Now, every conversation I have with my mom is centered around either planning my sisters bridal shower, or my mom’s health. I’ve had very few conversations about my wedding with my mom since I got engaged in May, bc she acts so bothered by the whole thing that I try to avoid it. A few weeks ago, my dad told me to stop talking about my wedding to my mom, bc she’s overwhelmed. That’s fine by me, but then my mom accuses me of not involving her enough in my planning and insisted that we go visit the venue. The whole time we were there, she was asking me when I’d help her make decorations for my sister’s bridal shower (I’m making a ton of her decorations on my own for her shower & planning her bachelorette party & studying for my board exam and finishing my masters degree, my mom lives an hour away so I haven’t gone over to help) and she asked me more than 4 times while we were there about why I can’t make my wedding bigger or move the date back to next spring, questions we already discussed and I was really firm saying we want a small wedding and soon. Lastly, I prefer to pay for it myself but she is insisting on paying. When I said I don’t want her to, she got really upset and accused me of taking away the opportunity for her to give me a wedding.

It’s at the point where I just want to plan and pay for it myself, and have everyone come as a guest. It’s draining to have my parents try to make me feel so guilty for having my wedding in November, but then they also want to be more involved, but then every ‘wedding’ conversation we have ends up being them complaining about how busy they are, how upset they are, and about my sisters wedding planning.

Is this normal? Or does anyone have advice on how to maintain my sanity?