Marriage problems…

I literally give him a chance and he fucks me over every time.. Idk what to think, do or feel. Idk if the hormones are just driving me INSANE or if he’s having another affair at work but I honestly can’t take it.. I’m not mentally well off my medication, not strong enough to deal with this again..

I feel like he’s horrible and though I love my unborn child as much as my born ones, I literally wish I never would’ve accidentally gotten pregnant with him again.. I wish I would’ve stayed strong and actually left him.. it’s my fault, and now not just me, but our kids are suffering, too.. I literally don’t even want to be alive anymore.. It is too painful.. I’m only 27 and have been with him for the last 20 years this coming spring and all of my close family died and the rest doesn’t give two fucks about me, and I have no friends because whelp, every time I make one, as soon as he comes around them, somebody or both of them are whores..

Please tell me things will change even though I know they won’t.. I pray I die on the table like they’re worried about. I literally don’t care to keep living through this.. Anybody else have stories of hope? Because we’re at a point I don’t feel like we can ever come back from.. I literally am so depressed I can’t even force myself to eat.. I just want to sleep so I’m unconscious..