My Morning with ADHD*

*I have undiagnosed ADHD (inattentive), meaning my doctor gave me a referral to get an official diagnosis because he said I have it, but I haven't gotten around to it 😅

5:30 AM: 3rd time waking throughout the night with racing thoughts. Go back to sleep.

6:00 AM: alarm goes off, I hit snooze

6:05 AM: Alarm goes off again. I get up and start coffee (which I just yesterday discovered helps me pay attention a little more) and I open the curtains.

6:10 AM: Get dressed, brush teeth, etc. while worrying I'll get in trouble about botching that meeting yesterday. I spaced out around the end and the most important person there gave me a directive that I didn't hear. They didn't say anything or make it an issue, but what if they do? What if they complain to my supervisor? I'm smart so why am I so incompetent? All I had to do was listen. I was staring right at them, and I didn't hear a word they said. What is wrong with me? Am I going to lose my job? Oh yeah, I also need to reach out to (friend). I don't know why I haven't yet. And how's my dad? He lost his brother and I haven't heard from him. Wait, did I reach out to (friend)? I'm such a bad friend. I'll check my phone later. Am I going to have enough time to make some waffles before I leave? Did I start the coffee? Wait, yes I did. I hope I don't become addicted to caffeine... (At this point, I don't remember exactly what else I was thinking about, maybe cleaning)

6:25 AM: I realize all I've done so far was brush my teeth and put on primer. I rush through straightening my hair and finishing my makeup.

6:40 AM: 20 minutes before I have to go, I hurry and get my coffee. While I'm looking for the lid I misplaced, I wonder if I'm going to be late. I was a little late for our son's wellness Checkup earlier in the week because I dazed off. What if my incompetence is affecting him? Why am I such a horrible mother? I can't keep a schedule, which he would thrive on... I should buy those cute sticky notes shaped like lips I saw on Amazon. But should I even support Amazon anymore? Why do I daze off so much? Why is it so hard to pay attention? What was I looking for, again?

6:45 AM: I finally find the lid to my coffee cup (I had taken it when I opened the curtains and left it on a windowsill 🙄) sit to drink my coffee and, do I have time to write that email? Sure, I have time. I open up my email. Wait, I probably need to update my tablet. I do, and while it's updating I wonder if should have the battery replaced. It doesn't perform at its best anymore. What's my best? Do I have a point where I perform at my best. No, I don't really have a best. I can barely function most times. Why can't I be normal and get things done and be as successful as some of my peers? Why am I falling behind when I'm just as capable as them? Oh yeah, did I ever reach out to (friend)? If I reach out to (friend), it's only fair to reach out to other (friend) as well. I close my tablet (never wrote the email) 🤦🏾‍♀️

6:55 AM: Reminder goes off on my phone. I check it to see I'm late taking my allergy meds and vitamins. I'll take those as soon as I finish my coffee. (Husband gets out of shower, we chat for a few minutes. Son gets up, we chat.) I'm walking out the door. Full stop. I forgot to take my allergy meds and vitamins. I go back and take them. Leaving again, full stop, forgot to grab my water bottle. Didn't just forget my water bottle, I also forgot to fill it. I hurry and do that.

7:10 AM: Finally leave to get my work day started. Halfway to the office when I realize I forgot to eat breakfast. I'm tired. LOL