The heartache hits hard today

We got our shirt in the mail for our toddler to share on social media about our new addition... I'm on day 4 of finding out I miscarried. This is the hardest thing I've ever been through. My family and friends just dont understand the crazy rollercoaster of depression and emotion it has caused me. I can smile and laugh around them and act like everything is fine but the second I'm alone or if I even go to the restroom while hanging out the sadness just creeps up on me and I cant help but cry to myself. I'm thankful for the small time I got with my angel baby but at times I wish I never got pregnant and I was still in the ttc era because it just would have been easier. I'm scared to even try again I cant take another heart break like this. When I wake in the morning the heaviness on my chest is like a ton of weight before I even open my eyes... this is just hard and if feel like I cant reach out to anyone except on my mommy group 🙁💔