Feeling Down Today

I’m mad.

I’m mad at my body for not becoming pregnant yet.

I’m mad at my husband for not being in the mood during the most important time of the month.

I’m mad that my friends got pregnant as soon as they started to try and I let myself expect this to be easy.

I’m mad that other friends became pregnant by surprise without ever experiencing “trying”.

I’m mad at everyone who asks if I have kids, when I’ll have kids, or tells me that they think I’ll have kids soon. If they only knew.

I’m mad at every single pregnancy announcement and positive pregnancy test I see online.

I’m mad at the tampons in my cabinet, and the empty box of pregnancy tests that remind me of my empty womb.

I’m mad at time because it feels like I don’t have enough of it, yet my time for motherhood is taking too long to arrive.

I’m mad that these feeling of jealousy and sadness have entered my mind.

I’m mad that I allow myself to enter this headspace of negativity.

I’m mad at the feeling of going… mad.