Can someone reassure me that leaving a controlling marriage, while breaking up the family (infant and toddler), is better for the kids? I never thought I'd have kids and then end my marriage, but my husband is so controlling, emotionally and verbally abusive, and not supportive enough, so that seems to be looming on the horizon. Refuses to go to marriage counseling, so I'm seeing a therapist on my own. Can be a great dad when he chooses, but I definitely don't agree with all his parenting decisions, and he hates daily routines and structure, which kids really need. Feel like at least if I'm by myself (thinking I will more than likely get custody - I have family around and he doesn't talk to his, plus I have concerns about his substance and alcohol use) I can give the kids more of what they need on a routine basis, without us catering to what he needs, and constantly riding the emotional roller coaster. I once read that a broken home is better than a dysfunctional one. Can someone tell me that I'm not "scarring my children for life" by getting divorced, and that many happy, healthy kids can be the product of people who no longer work well together actually separating? Please no rude comments - ending a marriage with kids isn't always easy, even if it's probably for the right reasons.

Edit: He has mentioned before how he is unhappy, and had hinted at divorce before, and used the word once before. Says there's nothing left in our marriage, but that we have kids to raise, so he'll "just deal with it [our marriage situation]." I think a lot of his unhappiness comes down to physical touch and intimacy. He likes to touch me in ways that I don't enjoy (and says that I should be happy for the attention), and constantly asks me to do things sexually that I've never enjoyed (certain positions that he knows are physically painful for me, and oral, which we never did when we were dating and I've made very clear I don't like. I will do it occasionally to make him happy, but he seems to think I should "compromise" and do things sexually that he likes, even if I don't like it, saying he sometimes does things in life for me that he doesn't like. I have a hard time wanting to be intimate with someone with those expectations, who hasn't always had my bean postpartum, and who calls me names and constantly tries to silence my opinions.) He also wants all kisses to be deep french kisses, like we're friggin 15.