New years marks 5 years we have been together, and August marked 1 year since we have been married and I've reached my breaking point. I love him but I'm not in love with him. He is a wonderful father to our 3yo and I think he loves me to the best of his ability but its just not enough for me anymore. I never get complimented by him, and half the time when he is around he doesn't pay any attention to me. I have to beg him to spend time with me because he's to busy with his projects, whatever they may be. We agreeded in may that it was time for me to be a sahm and he promised me we would have no problems paying our bills so I left my job a month later in June. Well ever since I left everything has gone extremely down hill. He spends a ton of money on his dirt bike before I can even pay a bill so I have to keep borrowing money from his family to pay our cell phone and truck payment. Sometimes I'm able to get the money before he can touch it but I barely get home from paying the bills before he is up my ass for the remainder of the money so he can buy something. Its like when he has a project going on than nothing else matters. I even had to return a gift on black Friday to pay a bill because he had lied about the amount of money he had spent 😑 I told him I wanted to separate after Christmas and he begged MW to let him try harder so I agreed. Well 3 days went by and then he got the part he needed to be able to ride and now its back to never being around. His bday was today so because I ordered a gopro over a month ago I decided to give it to him last night when his family was around and although he was so excited he didn't even say thank you. I walked away to finish up cookies and hears his mom say get your ass in there and say thank you so he did. I'm so over not being wanted, I haven't been able to look at myself in months because I know the person I would see isn't who I really am. To top it off I ran into an old coworker last week and he instantly was giving me compliments and made me feel like the old me, the one who had the confidence of a lion and looked amazing in even baggy sweats. We only talked for a minute but then later he messaged me and said if you ever want to talk I'm here. It was like he could see though my fake smile which killed me because my husband sure as hell doesn't see it. I haven't spoken to my old coworker since I saw him, but its all I can think about. He is such an amazing and caring man and although nothing has ever happened between us, I could totally see something happening. I know I need to separate from my husband before getting into anything with someone else, but would it be horrible to rekindle a friendship? He was always the one I went to when we worked together but now we aren't working together we would be just hanging out as friends. I know some of you may say I need to work things out with my husband but after 5 years, I've realized this is not what I want. I don't want to stay with him just so my daughter can have us together when I'm not happy. I'd rather be alone and unhappy then to have someone and be unhappy because to me that's worse. Thanks for letting me vent.