Upvote
Comment
As hard as it is you really do need to try not spanking or shouting. Can you put her in a playpen for a minute while she calms down? It will also give you a safe few minutes to have a break! Babies do copy a lot and you don't want her to learn that shouting and hitting are how to deal with things.
15 month old throwing tantrums
My 15 month old has recently gotten into the habit of throwing a fit about everything. She has learned how to completely fall backward and fall all over the floor if she doesn't get her way. And if I'm holding her she crawls up my body and tries to fall backwards. I will admit sometimes I do spank her because shouting doesn't work and it's overwhelming sometimes. Yes I do shout quiet aggressively because no matter how nicely or how many times I tell her not to do something she completely disregards me and does it anyways again and again. I try to be patient but everytime I do something she doesn't like or she doesn't get her way she just screams until she gets her way. The whole day I'm trying to balance housework, my screaming child hanging in me as I'm cooking and cleaning and balancing family health issues and I start work next week. Please do not judge me. I feel as if though I may not be giving her enough time or playing with her enough. I've tried researching gentle parenting. I've tried talking it out, saying it's ok to cry but she's fights me so hard. I feel like I'm failing her as a parent. I don't know what to do.
171
views • 0
upvotes • 12
comments
COMMENT (12)
If you can follow @BigLittleFeelings on Instagram, theyre SO helpful with toddler emotions. At this age they don't have much self control and they're learning about their emotions. My daughter throws tantrums the same way, if it makes you feel better. Sometimes I have to set her in her crib and sit on the floor next taking deep breaths. I'll say while she's crying, "we are feeling frustrated right now, its ok to feel frustrated. I'm going to breathe to help me feel calm." When I feel calm I will pick her back up and narrate what happened. Like "you're so frustrated and upset, it's ok to cry, I am here for you." I don't even try to stop the tantrums or make her stop crying tbh.
I know they can drive you up the walls. But screaming and sparking (please stop doing that ✋🏻) teaches her nothing. Screaming at her might just encourage her to continue, cause she’s getting a reaction from you, which is what small children loves. At this age they are just discovering that they have their own will and that they can wield that will to get what they want. Be firm with the important stuff and let the rest go. It’s important for children to also get their way sometimes, but not all the time. It’s a phase that will pass and we are here to be their rock and safe harbour when they are filled with storms. It’s better to step aside and breath rather than to scream back at her, otherwise you just show her that screaming is an OK behaviour (and hitting). Model the energy and behaviour that you want her to mimic, and it will come in due time.
I know how hard it is but yelling at her and spanking her is going to get the opposite of what you want. Especially at this age. She’s not old enough to understand yet. Saying it’s okay to cry is good but you need to actually mean it. This age is really hard and triggering for people. Particularly if someone grew up in a household that didn’t encourage all feelings to be expressed:good and bad feelings. I don’t know if that’s true for you but it is for me and I have had to work really hard and that part of myself. If she’s trying to hurt herself then you can move her to a place where she can throw herself back and won’t hurt herself. While you do that you can say something like “I won’t allow you to hurt yourself. I’m going to move your body somewhere safer.”Sometimes the most important thing is just that you’re there for them while they cry. Just make yourself available for when they’re ready for comfort. Teaching and modeling coping skills like deep breaths is also really helpful when in the middle of these big feelings.
Ni
Also like someone else said, it’s okay if you need to take a minute. Put her in her crib or a playpen and go in the bathroom for a minute or two while you collect yourself. We are only human and that’s totally okay.
Just put her down and ignore her fits until she settles down then show attention when she's more calm. I've even let mine fall( very controlled area where I know he won't get hurt). He's even head budded me a few times . Uggghhh I hated that like nothing else. I did this with both of mine. They learned quickly that tantrum will not get my attention. My 17mo can still like shouts at me for something sometimes but we are working on it.
Spanking creates fear . If she starts to fear you this can create a negative relationship for long term . They are still young and mine throws up to 10-12 tantrums a day . My plan is to work on the 1-2-3 magic style of parenting shortly when she can really understand . At this point just keep repeating no , it’s hard but think of it as a phase . She will learn
Mine is throwing tantrums more too now. It can be frustrating and exhausting at times. Usually when he is having a fit it’s either 1. He’s thirsty or hungry. So I try distracting the fit with something to drink or a snack. 2. Other times when he has a fit it’s because I took away something he can’t have (dog food) . So instead I give him something different and new, like a new utensil from the kitchen or something that’s not technically a toy but that he can play with. 3. The fit is because he just wants to be held. If I can’t hold him at that moment I try to make him comfortable in other ways. Hold him for a short time, then set him up in a space close to where I am working. 4. The fit might be for no reason and it has to run it’s course. No matter what the reason may or may not be- I try to ignore the actual fit by reacting. Reacting will not do any good. Distraction, redirect, comfort is how I try to go. However sometimes it’s much easier said than done.
I feel the same way. I blow up and yell sometimes but then a take a minute and think about why the baby is taking a tantrum and I find just talking out the situation with her and consoling her along with showing her other things helps a lot. And sometimes I just need a minute so I hand her over to someone else or put her in her crib. Because it can get very overwhelming. Don't feel guilty, everyone deals with things differently but like everyone else said, spanking can go from 0-100 pretty quickly and teaching your kid that violence is a way to solve issues can turn into a lot of anger problems as an adult or teen (speaking from someone who has been spanked). Just remember that the baby doesn't understand. Thats the thing I always have to remember.
So the distraction method is the only thing that helps my little one. If he has something he shouldn’t or that I don’t want him to be playing with, I grab something else that he can play with or have. And it’s gotta be something interesting like a favorite toy. At this age, yelling at your child only makes matters worse.
Let's Glow!
Achieve your health goals from period to parenting.
