My dilemma is the waiting.. I want nothing more than to raise a child. It's all I've wante since I had my first nephew at 12. I am terrified that if I wait until I get a new kidney, my lupus will attack both the baby and the transplanted kidney. To lose another baby would be devastating, but to lose both would be debilitating. My doctors are ready this time.. We already know which meds I will switch to, I will do dialysis 4-5 days a week, and will immediately get heparin shots.. There's just the worry of another miscarriage stopping me.. It terrifies me.. It consumes me on bad days..