Devastated

On September 5th, I attended a baby shower that was devastating to me. Not because I’m not happy for them, but because I’m sad for me. On September 7th, I had the much dreaded ob/gyn appointment. One I’ve been dreading for the past 18 months. We chat, I tell her my concerns and she explains she’d liked to do a biopsy. A few minutes later she came back to the room and told me I was pregnant and the biopsy wasn’t needed. I cried tears of pure excitement. We scheduled my first ultrasound for September 21st. She tells me based of her calculations I’m due the day before my birthday. I went and bought the baby a stuffed animal, and a pack of digital tests just so I could see for myself. They were negative. The dr calls first thing on September 8th and tells me there must have been a mistake, my blood work came back negative and I’m not pregnant. That statement crushes me. On September 13th, I go in for the biopsy. I’d never wish a pain like that onto anyone. September 23rd, I find out my husband has been cheating on me, again. He cried and begged and pleaded last time would be the last time. He couldn’t wait to marry me and he couldn’t lose me so he swore he was done with all the nonsense. He’s been cheating on me since around April, this time around. Hookers, 3 somes, motels and inviting women to his hotel room the night before our wedding. Texting them while I’m cooking him dinner. Lying. Sending them money when we are barely getting by ourselves. Having them pick him up to take him to and from work. Cooking them food at work. And performing sexual acts at work. He’s attempted to blame me saying our sex life wasn’t enough for him and that I’m always on my period because I’ve been on hormones for the past 2 years in hopes of conceiving our child. I’m devastated, I’m hurt, I’m angry, I’m lost.