BFF Break-Up

I’m a 31yr old female, married for 3yrs living in another country than where I was born. I had a rough go of going through immigration during the pandemic and with the borders being closed, wasn’t able to fly home for 2+yrs. Yes, it was my choice to move so far, to the states, but I thought once I was able to fly home, it would feel so good with my family and friends excitedly waiting to see me. (Not in a narcissistic way, just like a reunion of sorts.) Anyways, my BFF of 15+yrs started getting a bit distant with me after last September I told her I wanted to fly home but then kind of bailed to go to school for 6weeks and my lawyer advised me not to fly home using my pre authorized travel document, wait until I had my full green card. She called my life “chaotic” and then blew up on me when I told her I was going to do my mandatory 2week quarantine a a mutual friends house. Mind you, I didn’t want to quarantine at her house as she lives at home with at the time her terminally ill step mother. Long story short, I was 2days away from being about to be out of my quarantine, and about to be able to see my friends and family at home in over 2yrs and she cuts off our friendship. Sends me a really hurtful message, blocked my number and blocked and deleted me off of Facebook. It took me a couple days to even realize she did that as I was wondering why she didn’t respond to my reply, that if she read, would no doubt stir up some emotions. I noticed they never said “delivered” and tried calling her and sure enough was blocked.

I lost my best friend since high school and still haven’t made any close friends where I currently live and I miss having that close friendship.

I also have abandonment issues from my childhood and already inherently find it difficult to have close relationships. She meant so much to me and I feel so lonely now a days. I miss having a BFF and feel like I will never have one again in my life as I am 31 and the women my age all have families and or already have their inner circles. 😭😭😭😭