AITA, or is he, or are we both just bad for each other?

Question

Okay so my boyfriend's depressed 
He's struggling with addiction 
He takes episodes of not answering the phone, and disappearing for weeks on end
He's sick.
I'm trying my level best to stick it out 
He's not a bad person he's just in bad shape mentally 
However 
16th August we had a minor argument over text & he went on a binge
Barely spoke to me until this past week when his mom called me while I was at work at 5.30am as he had called her feeling suicidal 
I went & picked him up & tried to settle him etc
His friend called to check on him, but because he was falling asleep on the phone I spoke to the friend 
He offered to sit with him the next time he gets that bad until someone can pick him up and told me to get his number out of BFs phone
I didn't know how to work the phone, wound up in his messages and spotted one from "Ashley" giving it "babe" this & "babe" that... Not a lot of messages, not enough to confront him, as "Ashley" could be the type to call everyone "babe" (they do exist)
So 
FF to Tuesday night 
He says he doesn't want to make any plans (for Wednesday, my night off) which I had no problem with as I needed to do the whole domestic thing & clean up the house.
Wednesday night on the phone he arranges to stay with me Thursday and so I have to take another night off.
He's a no show.
I was really annoyed, and he gies" I said not to make plans" (that was the Tuesday about the Wednesday)
So because he wouldn't answer the phone etc I decided to hit him with "Ashley can fucking have ya" knowing that he didn't know that I'd seen the messages.
He goes  "who tf is Ashley?" Only to say in the next breath that she's his "friend"
Honestly she might well be
He offered to take me to meet Ashley (should probably note he had never once mentioned an Ashley which was why I got curious)
I thought it was an attempt at reparations but it turns out He's being spiteful & just wants me to know how wrong I am.
So he was supposed to come get his stuff tonight 
I've basically hit my limit, and again heavy no show
The fight is actually about him being a no show when I've took time off work to spend that time with him, and he's raging that uve "went through his phone"
Even though I wasn't in his phone looking to start trouble.
Idk what to do
His stuffs still here, he won't talk to me....imean....
I should just walk away here shouldn't I?

Answer

girl...what!?!
Pack his crap and drop it with his family. Wash your hands of this mind game. It's amazing of you to try to be his rock, but he's first gotta be worth having you hang in there and support him and his actions say otherwise. You'll make someone else an AMAZING partner, but he's not worth you.

Answer

Take his stuff and drop it at his family‘s house, drop it on his doorstep, he is no longer your problem. You can’t help those who don’t help themselves. He hast to get to a point to the he wants help, if he doesn’t want help, you’re wasting your time on a toxic cycle of disappointment, that’s going to become draining on you in every which way shape and form. There’s a reason that people who are in recovery or not supposed to be in a relationship for at least a year, because they don’t need anything that will trigger them or add any additional stress to cause them to relapse. He is not in any shape or form to be in a relationship right now he needs to get help. Unfortunately people need to hit rock bottom before they Realize it a lot of times. I know someone who’s been struggling 20 years with addiction finally it took his daughter saying you don’t smell like my daddy for him to wise up. The shame of his child, is what it took￼￼. His wife never let him be high or drunk around the kids, but that’s what I finally took. You also need to remember that his happiness, his mental health, his sobriety, none of this is your responsibility, it is his responsibility. Do not feel guilty, do not feel like you’re abandoning him, do not allow him to use guilt or manipulation, all of this is toxic behavior and will just bring you down. Take it from a girl who stayed with an alcoholic. Dui’s infidelity, you name it I put up with it why, because I didn’t wanna be alone, I felt guilty, I felt obligated, all I wanna do was help him, but he needed to help himself. You deserve happiness, you deserve someone who’s stable and has their life together, you deserve better that is the bottom line. Do not let this boy drag you down, do not let this boy make you lose sleep over his safety, do not let him control your life, do not let him deter you you from your goals, you deserve better. Trust me I remember calling every hospital trying to find him to see if he was in the hospital calling police stations to see if he had been arrested, calling every friend and family I could think of when people would go and disappear. Or not hear from them when they were expected to be heard from, it’s not worth it. It’s not worth the lack of sleep, it’s not worth￼ The anxiety, it’s not worth the depression, the sadness, etc. Don’t put yourself through this anymore, you have every right to walk away. He needs to help himself. Break the cycle of toxic behavior, and walk away. Block and delete if you need to, call the police if he doesn’t get the point or harasses you.

Answer

Definitely walk. Not because of his mental health issues, but because the fact that he tried to pretend he didn't know who Ashley was to begin with is a huge red flag.

Answer

I just couldn’t even read all that. You and his friends are in no way equipped to help him deal with his addiction and illness. You can’t love him out of it, or wait it out, or let it level out. 
It’s one thing to try to be supportive, but at this point, at some point, you need to walk away.

Answer

You should definitely walk away from this one.

Answer

He’s a drug addict. He needs rehab, y’all need to stop enabling and engaging.

Answer

I have been in this situation. Truth of the matter is you matter… your life matters. And you have a responsibility to yourself to choose a partner in life who can enhance and advance u mentally emotionally physically spiritually and financially. Love is not enough. Not only is he unable to do those things…. He demonstrates he wont even when he is in his right mind. He chooses to ghost you. When u are dating u hve to treat it like u are hiring for a job. You need to hire the BEST qualified person who can handle the responsibilities of boyfriend, life partner, husband. Its not a position u give to someone out of pity and feeling sorry for them. Its a job u give to them because they can and do handle the responsibilities of the position. He is not qualified. He should be a friend… not a bf or partner.

AITA, or is he, or are we both just bad for each other?

The Top Baby Tracker App: Embrace New Beginnings with Tender Care

The Top Fertility Tracker App: Your Path to Achieving Pregnancy

The Top Pregnancy App: Nurturing Your Journey to Motherhood

The Top Period Tracker for Empowering Your Menstrual Health Journey