I left my abusive babies father a year ago.. I was just starting to feel like myself again, so I changed my hair, new clothes and make up.. took some cute pics and met up with an old male friend from years ago.. but lately it seems I’ve been out of the game.. I share too much, I don’t talk at all, I don’t have fun, I don’t joke or laugh like I use to and I’m starting to think of I’ve been like this the entire year.. but guys would block me, my guy friend stopped talking to me and just asked straight out where I see me and him and I said as friends.. so maybe that’s why.. but when I was with my ex for almost six years he would upset me and I would go quiet or mute and just go into my own little world Til he stopped yelling at me then he would grab my face and tell me to look at him and say something, because it pissed him off when I was quiet, sometimes he’s bite my fingers so that’s why I’m so quiet lately.. I fear I might say the wrong thing or something dumb as he would say.. also laughing for me is not the same anymore because he use to tickle me til I cried.. when he was mad and couldn’t take his anger out on anything or anyone so he tickled me til I cried and laughed at me.. I hated it so much and it’s triggering.. I’m also scared to be out in public with another man.. because when I’d go out with friends he use to follow me, and start and argument in front of them, even if my friends tried to keep me away from him like in the bathroom he broke in and dragged me to his truck and beat me up in a bush somewhere for acting like a snob.. everything triggers me and yes he’s been charged but the charges were dropped and he just has to attend therapy to be able to see our kids again.. which I’m scared of also.. will I ever be myself again? Will I ever laugh again? :(