Afraid of negatives

Have you ever in your ttc journey just got to a point where you’re anxious to test? I’ve had one faint line, one test, that ended up being a chemical, but everything else negative. I have a hard time because everything is so accessible. So much advice, so many stories. I’m at the point where I’m afraid to test. Every cycle up to this month I’ve tested at 8dpo and on and recorded in my notebook. Just to compare symptoms, patterns, you know just trying to have an idea of what the hell is going on. I guess I’m just sharing but this month I’m petrified of the negative and I don’t know why. So here I am three days past when I would normally test just to say hi 👋🏻 I see all of you trying and I feel you.