I just feel like a Failure😭😭

Just needing to vent:

So today I’m currently 33+4 weeks and I had my doc appt this morning. I do have GD, take metformin, and insulin. Well I decided to not take my insulin and just do metformin and notice my numbers have been a whole lot better for fasting just a few slightly above 95 but lower than 100. And I notice that throughout the day I prick myself and my number seems high and then I re-prick myself on a different finger and it’s lower. So I told my doc all of this and I didn’t expect for my doc to get loud and disappointed at me.

Telling me “why are you pricking multiple times, you need to take your insulin.” And going off telling me “ you are selfish, and don’t care about this baby, I care about this baby more than you!”

“I’ve deliver dead babies before and it’s all because the mother is not taking care of herself”

“It’s like you don’t trust me and if that’s the case pick a different doctor”

(I do have ketones in my urine for the past 3-4 weeks) “I’m not there to babysit you on what to eat, not sure if you are eating enough calories” (oh and my husband is there just sitting listening to what my doc is saying to me and then she randomly tells him “And you need to be eating the same thing as her”

She puts all this fear in my face telling me that because I’m “not taking care of myself” that I’m putting the baby at risk, that my son can end up dead, or in the NICU hooked with tubes, blind, other medical conditions etc. and mention “you already got a son with special needs and you don’t want another with special needs”

(My 1st son who is 16 months old was diagnosed with PKD while I was pregnant with him at 21weeks but that just randomly happen, not genetic)

She has made me feel like complete shit and I’ve been upset all day and crying. I’ve told her I’m trying my best. Honestly It’s not easy, I have to be under 120 throughout the day and she mention I can eat certain foods in a very small amount but those certain food in a small amount will be over 120. I’ve been praying for my little boy, hoping that he will come into this world healthy. I just want everything to be normal 😭