Is it my fault why he yells at me and freaks out? Is he abusive? Am I wrong?
If you have time I’m begging you to read this. I really am confused and need guidance.
Long story short my boyfriend of 7 years (and father of my two young children) has anger issues. He gets angry at times and during those times I cannot talk to him. He sometimes even breaks things (laundry baskets, doors, walls, etc.). He calls me names at times and screams at me.
This has been going on since I got pregnant with my first. I remember specifically we bought curtains to hang up in our new home and it took him literally months to even do it. I asked him fairly often, but was very patient and understanding with him. Finally when he did it he was freaking out because he couldn’t do it for some reason and was screaming and I just remember crying (I was pregnant and also grew up in an abuse household and was abused myself so any form of screaming or being violet in any way causes me to cry).
Fast forward to today and he’s still doing it. I have told him numerous amounts of times I can’t deal with it and he will say he’s sorry. He’s fucked up, that he’s going to change, etc. He “makes up for it” by offering massages and buying flowers or anything for me really.
Today we were talking and he told me he does it because he’s stressed because I put everything on him and such. I don’t believe this is true. I feel like this is an excuse. I do mostly everything around the house. Getting him to take out the garbage is a hassle…he literally always forgets and there’s garbage all over our lawn from the animals getting into it. We look so trashy and he just leaves it. He gets upset if he clothes shrink in the wash because it’s my fault. He leaves his beard hairs when he trims it all over the sink, clothes on the floor, little pieces of weed on our kids table (why is he even rolling it there?!). The only thing is I don’t drive (have bad anxiety) but he knew that getting into this relationship and I try to do everything I can online such as ordering groceries to our door. Also, I still don’t feel that is fair even if I were doing that. I do not talk to him like that.
I feel like I’m so unhappy with him lately. We don’t sleep in the same bed anymore (he snores, but I used to look past that now I can’t). I feel unappreciated. The worst part is his family literally things he treats me so good. They knew I grew up in an abusive household and think that he’s good for me and literally have said “it’s good you’re not abusing her… she needs time to heal.”
He tells me he’s never going to hit me. That his dad never hit his mom but would break things at times. He said he’s never hit his sisters or his mom. But the other day he was acting ridiculous yelling so I took out my phone and said I’m going to record toy for you to watch later so you can see what I have to deal with (I swear I wasn’t going to show anyone or us it against him in anyway. I was going to delete right after he watched it. I just was hoping maybe he would notice and stop). Well he got pissed off and leaned over me with most of his weight was on me (I was on the bed) and with both of his hands was trying to take my phone from me and it really hurt my hand. It was all red after. Later he said “are you okay” and at the same time said why would you do that? Why would you record me? After that I thought, okay one day he may actually hit me and because I used to get hit by my dad I immediately was balling my eyes out.
I feel like he blames me a lot or gives me a sob story and then I get confused. I guess all I’m trying to ask is if I’m wrong? If it’s actually my fault? And if not, what should I do about this?
He always tells me he won’t ever hit me. He recently told me it hurts him that I even feel like this. I don’t know how to feel. I don’t know if I’m actually causing him stress to react like this. I also don’t have a job right now (stay at home mom) so I have no money.