Little backstory my husband and I have been together for 18 years married for 9 years, we have two kids together a 14-year-old and a 6-year-old, we are only 31 years old so we have been together since we were 13 yrs old, he was my only boyfriend I’ve ever had so he was my first for everything but over the last 5 years our marriage has been bad we have been arguing a lot more he has picked up drinking a lot more and that jus makes it even worse because when he gets mad while drunk he likes to throw things punch things, call me every name he possibly can and screams to the point it wakes up our kids he says his brain is so much clearer when he is drinking and over the last few years I have known that the love I had for him back then is not how I feel today but I don’t know what to do I don’t know how to leave, my family and his family would never understand because they think we are this perfect couple and they don’t see what’s on the inside really. I am a stay at home mom so I have no income myself I tried to get a job and no one is hiring to work around the schedule that I would have to work around. I have been trying to stash money away but he is very controlling when it comes to seeing every receipt I have to make sure it adds up and he checks the bank account every few days make sure there’s no unauthorized by him transactions.

I’ve just don’t know what to do anymore because obviously fixing this marriage is not an option for him it seems like because he thinks he’s perfect and everything is my fault I don’t do anything right apparently anymore.

And before anyone comes at me and says anything rude because I’ve seen other comments in other peoples m stuff I have talked to him about marriage counseling and everything and he thinks that just for quitters and he’s not ready to quit on this marriage as in like I have no say if I wanna walk out of it.

A little bit more information as we do not have Women shelter or abuse shelters close to us at all we live out in the country and the closest one is over over 2 hrs away.

My mom away last year so i just have my dad who isn’t the best person our relationship is rocky and we don’t talk much.

I am still grieving the loss of my mom and my husband says “it’s time to move on and get over it” like it’s nothin f and I would think he understood since he loss his mom when he was 15 but I guess not.