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They literally are children. That doesn’t mean mean they’re in the same stage of development as younger children. Just like a 5 and 12 year old are not. As someone who was super mature, and had a ton of responsibility as a teenager, I really fucking wish I hadn’t. It didn’t make me better, it made me burned out by 25. Real talk, the part about age of consent comes off as creepy. I’m glad I live somewhere it’s not that young.
Children Stop Being Children When They Become Adolescents
This is something that's been coming up a lot with family members and it reminds me of the time when I was a teenager, too. A couple relatives of mine are 15 and 17, and they both get equally annoyed with people treating them like and calling them children. And I'm with them on that, some people are way more mature than others. And people really shouldn't assume things like that about others, imo. And it is odd that people have to repeat that they think teenagers are children so often, as if to convince themselves.
When I was in high school, I was very mature for my age. But even considering that, people - especially teachers - belittled me like I was a child simply because of my age. And I think society has gotten way too anal retentive about what a child actually is. And it really is becoming a problem. I won't still be treating my son or daughter like children when they are 16 years old. That won't prepare them for the real world. And i think that's a big part of why so many people either stay with their parents up to something like 26 years old or end up in poverty today. Their parents sheltered them too much.
A lot of it I think stems from ignorance of the neuroscience of brain development. It seems people genuinely believe that once we become children the brain doesn't go through any changes until we're 18 when it magically shifts to adult mode. The brain actually undergoes a lot of different changes as we age. Sure, the brain isn't fully settled until about 25 yrs old. But a 16 year old's brain is far more developed than that of a 12 year old, let alone a 7 year old, (which is the age of an actual child btw). When a child enters adolescence, the brain actually goes through a series of major changes, so even adolescents have brains nothing like a child's.
And really, there's a reason the age-of-consent is 16. Some parents can raise their children to be more mature and independent than their peers, so if the parents think they are sufficiently mature, they can legally allow them to make more mature decisions. And you can also be emancipated at 16 for the same reason. A lot of thought must go into it before allowing your 16 year old to become fully independent, but it is still up to the parents' discretion to do so if they think their teenager is ready for the next stage of life.
I think society is getting too sterile with everything, but I also think laziness is part of the issue. Only parents who properly raise their children can produce fully independent teenagers. But it takes a lot of attention, competence, and wisdom to do so. Maybe some qualities many people don't strive for. So it's easier to think of your teenager as your little baby. And when people think of a teenager, they almost always think of children. And that's pretty much a stigma that no one wants to address because it's much easier to treat everything under 18 years old as a little child rather than to encourage them and treat them with humility.
It's true, times are not nearly as tough as they used to be and there's less incentive to be ready for the world earlier in life, but independence still isn't a bad thing. And some people are more ready for it than others. We're not all the same, after all. And for me, and really my husband too, we want our children to surpass us and we want them to aim high. We made it this far in human history because we raised children to have direction and to aim higher than their parents. But I do think that's another issue. Some parents out there may not want their children to surpass them or to become independent. Carl Jung once said that when you don't know someone's motivation for doing something, you look at the end result and infer the motivation. Awful lot of people not moving from their parents' homes and/or don't move far. So maybe a lot of parents don't want their children to grow up, they want them to be their little babies forever. But even then, that doesn't mean other people's children didn't grow up while theirs was overprotected at home all their lives.
I think people should stop treating adolescents and teenagers like they're children, especially ones that aren't their own.
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Bo
My husband's grandmother emancipated at 16 and got married right away to a 19 year old man. They were married 66 years before his grandfather's death. And a couple of my aunts and a cousin of mine emancipated at 16 and 17, and they are all doing great. I think it depends on the person. Like I said, it's up to the parents. And yes the parents can be wrong sometimes. Some people truly aren't ready. But still yet, some are. It's tragic when parents are too hasty in those situations. But the law is still there for those who are ready.
Na
I totally agree. The first person I had sex with was 20 and I was 16. It’s was totally legal and I thought I was “special”, but looking back now I know how creepy it was.
15 and 17 year olds literally are children. It doesn’t mean they should be treated like they’re 10, but they’re still children.
Na
Everyone should be treated with respect, no matter what age
Bo
I get what you're saying, and I wasn't necessarily saying they should be treated like adults. But more to be treated as what they are. So a 15 year old should be treated like a regular teenager with some experience and maturity. And a 10 year old should be treated like an adolescent. Etc and so on. Basically, what I said earlier about being treated with humility. It is kinda belittling to treat everyone under 18 the same.
Na
I think there’s a happy medium here. A 15 year old shouldn’t be treated like a 10 year old, but they also shouldn’t be treated like an adult. Hell, some actual adults aren’t ready to be treated like adults 😂
It’s evident you don’t have any teens yourself. Being one in the past doesn’t give you experience with raising a teen, understanding development or why we need to slow down on pushing these kids to grow up. You have no clue how young 16 really is. It sort of highlights how we view aging. A teenage brain doesn’t have the fore or hindsight you do later on- and shouldn’t. In the grand scheme they are children. They do not have the brain power, life skill, understanding, experience, etc., to be anything more. Which is perfectly ok. As your child gets older, you will see this for yourself. You will see the immaturity and lack of understanding, the developmental changes that make teenagers very much children. You will see this morph and change, them grown and learn- in leaps and bounds, make mistakes and much more. All developmentally appropriate. You’ll also see your children crumble from expectations put on teens by people assuming they should be able to handle what an adult can. Teens are children. Society has made it so our kids are thrust into growing up way too fucking fast. Suddenly “you’re an adult” the day they turn 18. Which is actually comical in some ways but tragic in others. I guarantee you will feel different when your child is 16.
Bo
Im not feeling about any of this, though. I'm thinking. That's an important distinction. Feelings should never come into play for important things like this. It's all about what is true. The laws aren't there to "push" anyone. They're there to help people who are ready earlier than their peers. And 18 is an acceptable age for adulthood. That's why our laws evolved to make it so. It's tried and true. I also think it's a little nihilistic to view people as so helpless at 18. Most people aren't so fragile. Life teaches us a lot, and many get help from proper parenting.
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