BODY COUNTS!!!

Last night I was out I went for a dinner with my boyfriend and my best friend (female) which is the 1st time they ever really kick it, bare in mind my bf and bestie are really talkative and really great at communicating

Long story short, I have an amazing, down to earth, communicative, understanding and open minded bf in the world 😋

My mate just brought up her lifestyle like we’re both 21 but her body counts is like 4 and she always goes back to her ex’s for sex but my body counts is like 16 (include my bf) and lost my virginity @ 17.. and my bf is my 1st official relationship

The fact that my bf being talkative he told me his a long time ago and never pressured or anything to know about my past, just me bein non-communicative I recently told him after bein together for like 2 years and he took it so kindly and understood, like he said my past is my past and doesn’t defines me nor the person I wanna be

But we been having these issues coming from me that I’ve been hidding stupid things on him ( that’s part of the reason we also had to meet my mate ) cause she been helping me on communication etc and reminding me how lucky I am to have my bf and I’m throwing it all away to not bein communicative and broken my bf trust that I’m working on so hard to mend and rebuild

But while she was talkin about her body counts, kinda made me insecure which my boyfriend noticed that I froze out and took myself out of the conversation, and later when my mate left then he asked me if I am / was ok and he noticed it all.

My past never really hit me that way though like he notices every little things about me.. Just felt weird, is it right to feel that way? Was my past lifestyle really that bad I felt that way, where there’s people even my age or older and not bein as active as I was? Just felt a bit dirty, is that a normal feeling?

Really wanna better myself at communicating and be really open to my man, which as I said really caused us big misunderstandings to the point where he nearly broke up with me. DONT WANNA HURTS HIM AGAIN, EVER!!!!’

Just needs help how to really communicate and being open to him as he is with me 🥺