Anxiety and how to deal with it

I’m already seeing a therapist. Unfortunately I can only see her once a month due to my insurance.

I am having horrible anxiety and intrusive thoughts. Like, recently it’s been when I lay down, and at first, I’m excited, because I don’t have anything to do tomorrow and I was finally going to stay home for the day (I’ve been having to go non stop for the last few months to appointments and helping family out, and getting shopping done. I’m exhausted)

But I’m laying here, happy I’m going to finally be able to sleep in, and bam, I start thinking what if someone calls. Just to see what I’m doing. What if I turn my phone on silent. Oh no what If I do that and I wake up and there are 20 missed calls and someone died. My dad has been in kinda bad health lately, (well he’s a hypochondriac but he’s also now in his 60s) and I haven’t heard from him today but sometimes he says he doesn’t message back because he’s sick. But I always worry the worst thing and he lives by himself so if something happened no one would know. And that thought just makes me sick and panicky. He’s not been too nice. My son is 3 and my dad was at the hospital when my son was born but never came to any of his birthday party’s or even call. Hasn’t called me for my birthday in a few years. It hurts. But I’m so tired of worrying about this crap. I cry so much over it.

My therapist says “well what if it don’t happen” as in it would be a waste to worry. But I can’t think logically like that when the thoughts start pouring in. It’s driving me crazy. On top of all that, I can’t take most medications. So, that’s not an option.

im just so tired of my mind.

*also, figured I should add, my boyfriend died a few years ago and I got the news on the morning it happened like as soon as I woke up. I fell asleep texting him. Ever since that happened I’ve had trouble sleeping. I just want some peaceful sleep. No worrying. No feeling of doom. Just sleep.