I think I like him? Idk

Ok so…in September of this year, I found out that this guy has liked me sense the beginning of 7th grade. (So a year!) and honestly when I found out, I was shocked. A lot of kids at school find me weird or whatever. I’m a drama kid and a little bit of a nerd but I’m not one of the WEIRD WEIRD kids (not that’s it’s bad) anyways, 7th grade was an ugly year for me, physically and mentally, so to find out that a guy liked me made me feel a bit more confident in my self. Anyways after weeks of talking, I only say him as a friend. And even if I saw him as more, it would be weird. I’m in my last year if middle school and all the relationships I see are toxic or so “cute” that it’s corny. And if we did become a thing, it would be awkward and the whole grade would make a big fuss. (He’s not POPULAR popular, but he is super well known) anyways, the reason I turned him down was because I only saw him as a friend, nothing more. But after I turned him down, which was early October, we haven’t spoke. And he has been on my mind A LOT lately. Like we keep having these awkward encounters and we keep catching each other looking at each other. I don’t know if I miss our friendship or if I like him. It’s also hard to know how I feel because I kinda like this other guy. But we have never spoke before so it’s kinda hard to say I have a crush on him. Anyways sorry for this rant lol. I’m realizing that most of the “friends” I have in school are jerks and my close friends out of school are busy with their friends and their own lives so can’t talk as much as we used to. Anyways I wanna reach out to him but it would be weird. And I can’t reach out to him because when I rejected him I wrote a reject letter. A REJECT LETTER! I know it’s a wimpy move but he is always busy and whenever I see him, he’s ALWAYS with his friends and if I pulled him away from his friends they would ask about what I said and then they would tell their friends and then that’s how rumors start. He’s kinda my type I guess. He is in ALL honors classes, he skateboards, and doesn’t dress all that bad. Ugh I hate middle school. I feel like it makes my brain all wonky 😟🙁