My Husband Passed Away

Monday I lost my best friend; my only friend. We had been together for almost 11 years. We have 2 daughters together and just found out about 2 weeks ago I was pregnant again. We were hoping for a boy. My husband was so excited. Now I have been planning a funeral for my husband. I will bury him Sunday and then go Monday for my first sonogram. I can’t imagine my life without him. I can’t eat. Food doesn’t have taste. I wake up and immediately feel lost. I haven’t been able to sleep in our bed. I have had our girls and I on the couch. I just can’t sleep in our bed. I tried laying down in it earlier and it just smells like him but he’s not here. I have never experienced a pain like this before. I’m absolutely devastated and so lost. My mom has been staying with me because she doesn’t want me alone and that’s been nice because anytime I am alone I cry. But next week everyone goes back to their normal schedules and I don’t know how to go back to normal. Everyday I find myself in more and more pain. I can’t imagine having a baby without my husband with me. I’m not sure why I am posting this here but I just wanted to type it out.

Has anyone lost their spouse before? Does it get easier? I find myself wanting to just be with him. I am 26 my husband was 28. His heart failed him. I feel like I failed him too. I just want to be with him so bad. He was my best friend. We never went more than 2 hours without talking to each other. I called him on the way to work, on the way home..how am I supposed to go to work and not talk to him. I’ll never see his name pop up on my phone again.