Should I leave this 12 year relationship?

Question

I have been living with my partner for 12 years. I'm now 33 and he is 35, he got two kids both are teenagers now. We always talked about marriage, future kids and our life together but only last last year we have a solid plan to try for a baby. 
A lot had happened last year and a lot of stress specially with the pandemic..
- March I quit my toxic job and he proposed to me
- July I went back to study and worked as a  casual
- August my grandfather passed away overseas
- September he quit his toxic job and our landlord decided to sell our rental house
- October we moved to an apartment
- November we are still settling in
- December he suddenly broke up with me. No prior fights or disagreement.
He had a troubled youth and when I met him we were both in our partying stage in which we grew out off pretty quickly. We grew up together, learned from our mistakes, supported each other and we worked hard for our relationship to make it work. He is my best friend and my life partner. We both came from a separated family so we were always cautious on our relationship making sure we don't turn out like our parents. 
My parents don't know about his kids. Our family also never met coz we decided to keep them separated for our peace of mind. We always talked about the "right" time to tell my family about his kids but we never did. Out of respect for him I kept his secret from my family and my friends. Only recently I told two of my friends about it coz I cannot keep this burden anymore.
He said I got an attitude and that he cannot live his life putting up with me anymore. I don't deny it, but I know I'm not as bad as how he portrays me to be. I know I got issues and I am seeing a therapist about it. He got his own demons too but he refuses to get any  help. He is putting blame on me, he gave me an ultimatum to change. I said I'll change but he says he cannot trust me but he loves me. I feel like nothing I do for this man is good enough and now he has left me in this limbo.
We are still living together at the moment coz I am supporting him financially. I'm confused coz he is acting so nice to me but he hardly talks to me, no physical contact and he sleeps in the lounge room. 
A good friend of mine already offered their guest bedroom for me to move into, rent free til I get my shit together. I have already packed my belongings but I'm still here hoping it'll get better. I'm confused. Everything was going great. Should I just leave?

Answer

I’d don’t want to be blunt, but if he’s not touching you and sleeping in a different room and to add just randomly broke up with you one day..he may be cheating. 
Just in my experience, hope that’s not your case.

Answer

I would be furious if my boyfriend broke up with me and I was supporting him and he just thought he was going to mooch off me still like wtf? Yes move in with your friend 💯 and if down the road he wants to work things out I would say ok abut I’m not paying all the bills for us bc you don’t want to work

Answer

Idk, if you've been together that long I would try and work it out obviously you have love for him, but then again if he had issues he should have brought them up and not broken up at the drop of a hat. Tough situation love I'm sorry. Go with your gut if you think the relationship can be saved I would try it maybe see if you guys can get couples counseling? But listen to your gut feeling. Seems fishy to me that he would just break up out of the blue if you had no recent fights etc.

Answer

Hi ladies... thank you so much for your advise and support. Just a quick update, I think he had some sort of a breakdown/meltdown. He seems to be back to his normal self and we're back to our usual activities. He is looking for work and have other works lined up but this pandemic just hit us hard! We're working things out and I hope it gets better 🙂 But if not, then it is what it is ☹ I can walk away knowing I have tried my best. Thank you again, I really appreciate all of your time writing your messages 💗

Answer

Some books to consider to help u make a decision… you have to date for the outcome u want in life. Are u both mentally emotionally physically spiritually and financially supportive of eachother?  Is hiding children and having secrets from family dine because why? Are u headed in the direction u want to as far as marriage, kids, building a future?

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Answer

I’d say stop supporting him financially first and foremost

Answer

First red flag is you felt you needed to keep secrets about this relationship. Then he broke up with you, says he can’t trust you, is sleeping in another room, refuses to go to therapy, and yet is being financially supported by you. That last detail is the only reason he’s being so nice to you. Time to leave, work on yourself, and when the time is right- find someone who wants the same things in life as you.

Answer

I say seperate and focus on bettering your life. You guys can date… but do it from a distance. Sounds like u do hv your issues… and he is currently physically with u for financial support🥲

Answer

I know you’ve been together a long time but secrets about kids in families is big deal first red flag. Second- he broke up with you and your supporting him financially? Tell him to get his ass out - he has two kids already do and he is old enough to figure it out especially
If he doesn’t want to be with you anymore, you’re not married. If you would rather you could stay with your friend and then tell him you are not paying for anything to do with the apartment anymore. 
I know it is going to hurt but you still have time to find someone more worthy. Best of luck

Should I leave this 12 year relationship?

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