I don’t think I love my babies

Last year I had twin babies, I was told from a very young age that I was infertile and since then had a couple of miscarriages and was TTC for a number of years before falling pregnant with rainbow twins.

My trouble is, I’m not feeling that maternal bond.

Don’t get me wrong, they’re my absolute world and I would do anything for them, but I don’t think I love them.

They don’t settle at all, I’ve tried cuddles, feeds, burping, colic gel, calpol, everything. Nothing soothes them at all, and I’m running out of options of things to try. I’m finding that more often than not I just sit and cry because I’m just so frustrated all the time, I’m not sleeping, I’m hardly eating and where we had an emergency c-section I’ve been getting the worlds most painful periods that are leaving me bed bound and almost unable to look after them.. and while my partner tries his best he also gets frustrated, and if they’re not settling at night he’ll leave the room and sleep downstairs, and I just don’t know what to do anymore.

Does this phase pass? Does it get easier?

They’re almost 4 months now and I’m worried that if I’m still feeling like this at this point that I don’t know if I’ll ever feel better about it all.

Has anyone had anything similar? Is this more than just baby blues?