Friends with Benefits ( I need some advice )

I’ve known this dude for 9 months now and he was my dream man. When we first met, things escalated extremely! fast. Literally no joke, within only FIVE (5) hours of texting to me this dude practically said he want to give me the whole world and a buffet of dick 😂. That was the first red flag but he was bold(impulsive) and matched my energy so i liked that. I was sure he was texting other people but I have too much of an ego for have him not to choose me.. (currently we’re back again on “speaking” terms but as STRICTLY FRIENDS for the 5th? 6th? time.) Honestly it’s so bad that it’s like playing the lottery getting a text back. I have to be lucky. Long story short, he played with my heart so much and i’ve cried about him at least 2 times a month ever since I met him. The dick is immaculate like a dude can make you forget the pain he put you through (because he just did it to someone else 😉😉😉) But on a serious note, this new years I explained to him that I seriously only want to be friends.. no more “you’re the best I ever had ” which is what he said during our first time… Anyways he said he respects my decision and agrees/feels the same but since that day, I haven’t had an actual conversation with him. (he texts back every 2 days and literally our DMs are just time stamps.) Now before i say this, NO, that is not all i see him for, but is this the only way we knew how to speak to each other? yup.. As i was gonna say, I miss him. I miss him but for his body because that’s the only way he knew how to say I love you to me. Cause if I face the facts here, we had a really deep connection and knew some much about each other. He just had other priorities (unfortunately) and that broke my heart. Now for the question/the reason I typed this: I’ve tried moving on, i’ve dated 2 other people that I genuinely loved since I met him, and I know we only keep going back to each other because we’re the only people available, but why am I not ready to move on?! I moved on from my exes or other flings/situationships, but this dude has such a hold over me and we never even dated I just don’t get it. I’m just not ready to let go and I don’t understand why. There’s nothing for me to hold onto. WHAT DO I DO ?? 💔 (And don’t say get therapy cause I’m already in it 😂😒) Also if this matters for all you witchy/spirit females out there, I’m female Leo that’s Cancer dominant (I have a stellium) & He is a Cancer that’s Leo dominant. Pls help me 😣