PPD ( no questions just a rant )

This is more of a rant to get my feelings out. My baby is 4 weeks old and I have a 2 year old. I already have Harm OCD and depression. My PPD is so bad to the point I’m having thoughts of harming myself, the past 3 weeks have been nothing but nightmares and sleep paralysis ( which is super scary ). I’m just now able to afford my medication but we are still struggling. I really wish I wasn’t a mother, I love my kids but I feel like I’m not good enough. It doesn’t help my mom and bf are being very childish and half ass arguing, I’m stuck in the middle of it. I really wish I wasn’t here. I hate life so much. I don’t get sleep due to exclusively pumping, working and the baby gets her days and nights mixed up.

I really just don’t want to be here.

I’ll get over it.