Csection trauma... is this normal?

Question

Hey ladies, i had a csection 4 weeks ago and am trying to cope with it and have some closure. It wasnt my original birth preference. I went through 36 hours of labour only to need a csection. I was meant to be awake for it and everything. Tbh im suffering some emotional trauma from it as im not sure if my experience was the typical experience or if it wasnt normal. I have a lot of trauma related to pregnancy, labour, birth and postpartum but I just need to hear some experiences from other ladies who have had a csection/emergency csection.
Here is a bit of a backstory...I was induced at noon on december 16th at 39 weeks with cervidil, about an hour later i started getting contractions... my water broke the next day at 11:30am, i was gbs positive so i went in to L&D right away. They let me labour for a while but I wasnt really progressing so they started me oxytocin which got the ball rolling but VERY slowly. I did get an epidural at 4cm. After 36 hours of labour i was dilated to 8.5cm but my cervix was partially hard still and baby was still high up in my ribs..there was signs that something wasnt 100% right and preventing me from progressing, i was also extremely exhausted as my epidural did not work so i was having extremely painful contractions for 36 hours straight that were like 1-5 minutes apart the entire time. I got no sleep. I decided on my own i wanted a csection. Even if i could potentially progress and baby would drop, i didnt have the energy or mental strength to push a baby out. The OB agreed and i was rushed in for a csection. 
When i got in there it felt pretty typical. they prepped me, gave me drugs through my epidural and made sure i was numb before beginning. About 5 minutes in i began to feel extremely tired... abnormally tired. I couldnt keep my eyes open. My heart rate was in the 150s and i felt like something was wrong. I felt like if i closed my eyes i wouldnt wake up. I had to will myself to stay awake. I told this to the anesthesiologist and she told me to just go to sleep. I dont remember my son being born. All i remember  is trying to keep myself alive. I have no idea if it was the drugs making me delusional or if something wasnt right but i felt like i was dying. I see pictures of myself smiling with my son on my chest but dont remember taking pictures or who took them... i briefly remember holding my son but thats it. I have a lot of emotional trauma from this because i just dont remember his birth. Is this normal? I was also given Morphine during the section when im allergic to it and the nurse told the anesthesiologist that before hand.

Answer

Everyone experiences birth differently, especially if it went completely sideways from what you had hoped /expected. 
If you decide that it’s traumatic, than it is. No none can tell you otherwise as they weren’t there and weren’t in your position. 
I also had an emergency c-section after 25hours when baby just would not come. It was scary and not something I’d like to experience again. 
My guess is your length of time awake and the drugs may have made you extra sleepy or possibly delirious through the surgery. 
I was also exhausted and shaking, cold and terrified. 
I can’t tell you what’s “normal” or not medical wise, but I can give you the advice to write out your birth story. Write all the details, good and bad. I found I was able to process my birth better when I dumped out all my memories and feelings onto a page. 
It might be helpful for you too. 
And always remember that you came through an amazing, scary, new, weird feat - birth. You did that.

Answer

I had a very similar experience. Even 2 years later, I still get emotional at my csection with my son. After I got home from it, I would cry at the thought that I was robbed from a vaginal birth. I remember being angry at my body for not being able to function as intended. I would get angry/furious at my doctor for inducing me (even though it was needed as I was 11 days overdue) and laboring for over 30 hours. Every time I was alone I would breakdown and cry because I was so angry and upset. It didn’t help that the healing wasn’t going well and I was in so much pain and constantly being reminded that I had a csection. I think csection trauma is a real thing (especially an emergency one), mixed in with postpartum baby blues, it can be hard to deal with all the emotions.

Answer

Trauma is trauma, nobody needs to validate it for it to be real. My birth plans got totally thrown out the window… I was a low risk pregnancy and planned a birth center midwife birth.
I instead had an emergency c-section at 36 weeks after a severe covid infection put me into preterm labor with placental abruption. It was a 2 hour drive to the hospital over a mountain pass, I was having serious contractions every 2 minutes lasting a minute each, and when I was at the hospital, it was the most horrifying time of my life. I had to be put under for the surgery and my husband couldn’t be in the room because he was also covid +. 
We missed our son’s birth. He had to go to the NICU and was on CPAP. We first saw his face on FaceTime. I was hospitalized and separated from him for a week. 
It has taken a lot of therapy to begin to process it all. It healing from trauma doesn’t happen overnight but it gets a tiny bit more manageable every day.
I’m so sorry your birth experience left you feeling this way… just know that you’re not alone and it is unfortunately common for many of us to fight trauma on our way into motherhood. It’s normal to feel the way you do after the experience you had. Please talk to your midwife or doctor and see about finding a therapist who can help your healing process.

Answer

I didn’t read your whole story because those stories are triggering for me but birth trauma is very normal. It can take a very long time to emotionally heal. 
My advise is to do the work for emotional healing. Energy work, breath work, releasing work. When you’re ready. Also reading lots of good birth stories, stories of women who’ve had a c section or traumatic birth then taken their next birth into their own hands had have had beautiful experiences.

Answer

Well I’ve had two c-sections that were scheduled so I didn’t go through all the labor and I can tell you it does make you sleepy and kinda out of it in my experience, I’d guess because of how tired you were it made that even worse. Either way, you definitely had a traumatic experience and it takes a while to process the entire thing. Your hormones are extreme right now and emotions all over the place. My guess is you will feel lots of different ways about the birth in the coming year but that’s ok and totally normal. Best of luck momma! You got this!

Answer

I’ve had two emergency c-sections.
The first one will be 10 years ago in August. I was induced they had to break my water over night. Then I went into labor the next day. I did have an epidural as well. So while pushing my daughter would retract after each push… she did not want to come out. It started getting very painful with a lot of pressure. They brought me in for a c-section. They upped my meds and I remember throwing up while they were performing the surgery. I did not get to see my daughter until I was in the recovery area. She had to go to NICU to be assessed. While in recovery, I was cold, they kept putting heating blankets on me to try and warm me up. I apparently had very low blood pressure. Eventually was able to go to my room.
The second was a little more than 4 years ago. We wanted to try and do a TOLAC (trial of labor after c-section). Through the entire pregnancy this is what we told them. They said I had a 70-80% chance of succeeding. We liked the odds, so that was the plan. I go in to get induced again. This time the delivering doctor tells me my chances for a TOLAC is only about 20%. We were devastated. We agreed we would still try, but signed a consent that if anything didn’t appear right to go into a c-section. So we start getting induced. Get the epidural, and I am having contractions. In the middle of the night they wake me up and tell me that my daughters heart rate was dropping. That they couldn’t tell if it was during the contraction of after, that they needed to break my water and put a probe in to get a better idea on what’s happening. Sure enough her heart rate was dropping after each contraction. In for an emergency c-section again. Again they up my meds with the epidural, once again I get sick.
With my first it was weird after having her. It didn’t feel real, I didn’t feel like her mom, it felt like I was babysitting her for someone else. Much better now and didn’t feel like that with my second. Hope this helps release some of the trauma that you had to endure.

Answer

If it was traumatic to you, then don't let anyone tell you it wasn't! You're completely entitled to feel however you feel about this!
I will say, an emergency c section seems like a thing that can be traumatic to most. I can't imagine not being traumatized by it.

Answer

I had a csection last January, emergency as well except I was 34 weeks. The whole thing may have ruined having more kids for me. I felt like something was wrong and they said if I hadn't come in my baby wouldn't have made it. My husband couldn't make it in time so it was just me and the drs and I remember just laying on the table and crying. Forever thankful it was an option to save my baby but was not my plan at all. I do remember it all but I'm sure you were just incredibly exhausted from long labor and stress. Definitely something that takes a long time to fully process. Congrats on your baby and I hope recovery is fast!

Csection trauma... is this normal?

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