Hi,

I am currently recovering from a chemical pregnancy I had on 01/19/22. I want to share my story for anyone who wants to listen. It’s hard for me to put into words the amount of grief and shock that comes with any miscarriage whether early on in pregnancy or later. It’s a shockwave that hits you hard, leaving you scarred and unprepared for the emotions that consume’s you and your partner’s world.

January 6th, 2022 - Both my fiancée and I were infected by the Covid-19 virus that left us both weak, tired, and out of work.

January 11th-13th, 2022 - Very mild period like cramps occurring. Very nauseous.

January 13th, 2022 - My partner and I finally found the strength to go to the store to pick up my prescription and more medicine. For some odd reason I decided to also purchase 3 dollar store tests. I got home shortly and immediately took the first test, to my surprise the first test I took had a very faint test line, however, any second line appearing to me was shocking due to always getting negatives. My whole world lit up in one instant. I called my fiancée over to show him my positive test, and he was not as convinced as I was. We ran to Walmart to purchase a clear blue test, and a Early Response test. Since I was already peeing like crazy I had enough to use to take the tests. I took the clear blue first and while it was loading, I took the first response test. Before I could read the first response test, the clearblue read the most beautiful word I’ve ever read “Pregnant”. When I tell you how happy I was, I mean I was over the moon with excitement. My fiancée cried when I handed him the test and we both hugged and kissed. This is still the best day I have ever had in my entire life, so far.

January 18th, 2022 - The day my life changed forever. I began spotting around 5:30pm and was immediately worried. Since we had already told my family, I called both my sisters to ask how normal this could possibly be. They both did not answer so of course I began Googling “spotting during early pregnancy” and being that I was only 5 weeks I assumed it was implantation bleeding. However, I still wasn’t completely sure so I text both of them, and finally my sister reassured it was normal. She also told me to go to the ER if the bleeding becomes heavy and painful. Since I was still only spotting during this time I figured I will not stress. It wasn’t easy, but I managed as best I could. I did not feel the need to use a panty liner or pad, because the spotting was very light.

January 19th, 2022 - At about 5:15am I woke up to pee when I realized the bleeding soaked through my underwear as well as my sweatpants. My heart broke instantly and I knew at that moment I was having an early miscarriage. I called my fiancée and he confirmed if I wanted to take a trip to the emergency room, which of course I fucking did. I spent 6 hours there waiting, all the while, my bleeding is getting heavier and heavier. I became a nuisance to the office staff, because how dare they not take me as serious as I was taking this. Finally, I was taken back to do a ultrasound and have my blood work taken to confirm pregnancy (for me to confirm anything really), for what felt like eternity. I spent nearly 30 minutes on the ultrasound table while the ultrasound technician searched for the embryo. “It’s still really early.” “How far along are you again?” she kept asking me. She didn’t have to ask me anything or continue searching for my baby. I knew in my heart that there was no baby, no chance that my embryo could even grow to be a baby. I missed my fiancée and just needed him to hold me at this point. Since covid is rising my fiancée was never allowed back, so I had to grieve alone with him on the phone with me. It was horrible. After my ultrasound and blood work was done, all I could do was wait for the results. What came next was inevitable, but still the darkest moment of my life. The doctor came in and very quickly said, “Well, you are not pregnant.”

Current - I have faith in my God that my fiancée and I will meet our angel watching us in heaven one day. Until then, we grieve together and yearn for the beautiful gift of parenting our child one day. I believe that everything happens for a reason, even if that reason is unknown. I won’t cry because my pregnancy ended just as fast as it started, I will smile because it happened. I will always love my baby in heaven.

Thank you for hearing my story. To all the mommies and daddies who experience miscarriage, your pain is real.

Photo below is the pregnancy tests I took after coming home from the hospital. I still couldn’t believe what the doctor told me was real, so I took these to find out for myself. Seeing no second line was devastating beyond words. I miss my baby.