I’ve been in a extremly mental and emotionally abusive relationship .

I want to go about this in a way it won’t hurt my kids as much so I’ve been planning on moving: I been saving money so that way when I leave we can have a place in set, and some money for furniture and things so we aren’t just leaving with nothing. I work but PRN because I’m basically a SAHM. He’s the one who makes the $ when I move the n my own I’ll be able to work and make good money and more then I do now. Hell have our son when he’s off work and I’ll have him when he works. We both work in hospitals so it’ll be the 3 days rotating weekly. Right now I just can’t work as much as I want. I know it’s stupid how long I’ve stayed, the thing is I used to beg and beg and beg for attention, I used to beg for the bare minimum. I finally after 4 years have completely detached myself. It took a lot of strength and I learned that this was never love; he was never gonna change. The manipulation, gaslighting me, making me feel insane. He is so mean when the smallest things happened. Hell ignore me for days if we get into an argument over something and so much more. I used to express how hurt I was and how he made me feel but I had to learn to stop doing that. I don’t get upset over anything anymore I’m just completly numb. I have ptsd from my past and this has triggered it to the point if I think for a period of time my brain and body shuts completly down. I’m destroyed but through out all of this for so long. Something clicked in my head, I found a side of me I love. The happy side of me. Once I let go of him emotionally I feel confident in myself and I feel like a great mother. Being with him he makes me feel horrible of myself and as a mother. I’m so miserable for so so long in desperation her change for me and our family but he never did.

The thing is, ever since I stopped showing any emotions and feelings and quit begging and literally quit caring about everything he’s up my ass. He won’t leave me alone. He’s so clingy, he won’t stop touching me, he constantly says I love you everything I begged for he’s doing. This has been going on for a few weeks. Ill tell him to stop touching me and he won’t. I’ll have sore breasts from period and he’ll grab them constsntly even after I say they hurt please stop doing that. I have a UTI reallt bad and he still tried touching me down there even tho it’s extremly painful. I’m so tired of it!!! I csnt tell him I plan on leaving or it will cause HUGE issues so I’m making a thought out plan. I just feel like I have to force myself to even touch him or say I love you. When we had sex I cried after because it didn’t feel right. I broke the trauma bond and the love I killed myself for. I felt disgusting I felt miserable. Why is he so clingy and up my ass? I can’t take it!! It’s unfair. He put me through hell for 4 years and the second I stopped putting anything in now he acts like this??? I thankfully have an excuse to not have sex but he constantly pressures me, he even made a comment of “ you better not be lying about having this uti, I’ll be really upset if your just trying to get out of sex” like what??? No. I’m not a liar, I’ve never been this way. I’m just realizing me and my kids deserve BETTER.