I can finally be okay 😊

Longest post I've written yet... 😭💔😔😊😀❤️

I've spent the last 5 years of my life constantly trying to get pregnant again. It's happened, and time and time again I've been let down. 5 years of either not getting pregnant, or not having a baby to hold. 5 years of ectopic pregnancy, surgery, countless chemicals, and then a loss as 10 weeks... Throughout this journey I have DESPISED any pregnant woman I've come across. I'm happy for them, but I have been so sad for myself... Until last month....

Last month I had yet another chemical. HCG never rising above 30 before it soared down and I bled... And then my husband had a vasectomy. At first I was so upset I couldn't even cope. I don't think I left my little nook in my house for 3 weeks. I just stayed by myself and cried. I screamed. I was angry.... And then one day I woke up and I was okay... I was more than okay, I was happy. Babies looked adorable without pulling my heart strings, I saw big baby bumps and smiled with joy instead of grimacing... I came on this app for the first time in 5 years and I was HAPPY to see women with positive tests. I encouraged them and squinted beside them finding those lines. Waiting patiently for the much deserved 2 lines instead of the "why not me?" And "what's wrong with me"

I just wanted to write this so I can come back when there are hard times ahead and remember this beautiful moment where I am finally able to let go and just BE HAPPY again.

Thank you God, for unanswered prayers 💛