It's been a year since my husband and I felt that we were close to having a baby (what they term a chemical pregnancy, and what my doctor wrote off as stress) and were then devastated when I started bleeding heavily at work. There was so much heartbreak just after we had allowed ourselves to hope and to start to get excited about becoming parents. How I wish we could taste that sweetness again! We've been trying for a year and a half now, as I felt God leading me to do. I'm over 35. The odds are not in my favor. It's so much more difficult because no one talks about this. It seems as though everyone around me is younger, forever announcing pregnancies, or have had their last child. I have a friend who is several years younger than me... she and her husband have just had their 4th child, and yet my husband and I cannot even have our first... Just feeling discouraged.

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As my tears fall in front of you, as my voice breaks, as my countenance falls... I wish that you would ask me how I am... I wish that you would reach out your arms and hold me... I wish you would do anything... ANYTHING... to simply acknowledge the fact that I am hurting... to remind me that I matter... to lift me up and help me to know that I am more than what I feel at times... more than my imperfections... more than an empty womb... more than this awful ache in my heart... that I have value, in Christ, even when I feel so lost and incomplete. I know I'm not alone, but it's easy to feel that I am. I don't always feel this way... but when the hurt surfaces, it's almost unbearable. Prayers, please... for me and for all the others who are struggling in the waiting. Thank you...