First of all he may not be into the whole Dom and Sub thing. You should expect him to accept it either if he isn’t into it. But it doesn’t mean you just live a life with sex you’re not happy with. You need to sit him down and tell him exactly what you told us. You’re bored. And you want him to put a little more interest and effort in. Explain to him that he is being selfish and sex isn’t JUST about getting it done. You want to feel connected to him and you just aren’t. You want to get wet thinking about the sex you had just had. Tell him that the vanilla sex is fir when you guys are 60 and your drive is gone but he still wants it so you guys need to live a little. Ask him what his fantasy is and that you want to please him how he wants… ask him his interests too…. What he likes may also excite you… you both need to explore and discuss this and add things into the relationship to keep the spark and excitement alive

You’ll have to talk to him and find a middle ground. I wouldn’t say expect it to be completely uneventful for you, but if he’s always been vanilla, I wouldn’t expect him to go full blown kink-filled all of a sudden either on you either. But at that same token, he also should at least try to make an effort. Maybe take baby steps and work your way up ?

Sounds like you're not sexually compatible. you may want to try adding a vibrator just for yourself

This is why you have sex and talk about fantasies before marriage I feel like..... gotta test drive the man. I don’t know if I could handle not getting pushed around (I’m phrasing that really lightly) in bed sometimes. He ties me up and hits me and it’s still too vanilla. But when we move in it’ll kick up a notch at least. If I couldn’t be roughed up a bit I’m really not sure I could do it. There would have to be some other great reason to not step out and get it elsewhere (either by telling him or leaving, I do not condone cheating).