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1. Everyone’s family is different. 2. They are old.3. It’s probably only affecting your daughter because you’re making it. Doubtful a 3yo gives a hoot about it unless you point it out.
Flakey Family Members
I’m curious how everyone deals with their flakey family members? My in-laws are so flakey and it’s starting to affect our 3 year old daughter. They live about 3 hours away and are a bit older (77). They travel all over but have missed ALL three of my daughters birthday parties and holiday functions. Their ONLY grand child. They always make a big deal about where they are going to stay and we make all the arrangements then they end up cancelling last minute because the weather *might* get too bad. I’m seriously over even inviting them anymore. My husband walks on egg shells when we talk to them because he doesn’t want to rock the boat at all. I’m just seriously annoyed with how crappy of grandparents they are. We try to travel over to see them 2-3 times during the year but it’s hard with a toddler (and I’m currently pregnant). They get offended when we go over and rent a hotel, although they don’t have anywhere for the 3 of us to stay. I swear his mom just loves drama. My family is the opposite and see my daughter almost everyday. I know the distance doesn’t help the situation but his mom got remarried and decided to move away. All of our other family lives here. How do I handle this? Just keep acting like nothing is wrong or confront them?
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They’re 77 years old and you’re upset they don’t travel 3 hours one way to see your daughter? I understand how this can be frustrating, but you need to take into consideration their age and yes, weather conditions. It’s much more difficult for elderly people to drive in anything but perfect conditions. My parents and in laws live an hour and a half away and I frequently drive my three kids under 3 years up to see them. I did it frequently when I had two under two and I was pregnant. I know it’s double the distance for you, but the time spent with your daughter goes both ways. I understand not wanting to stay in a hotel. Are they able to make accommodations for you at their home?
D
I would just stay in a hotel anyway, even if they get annoyed. My parents bought a second home in Florida and it’s super small, so when we go visit, we will stay in a hotel, even tho my mom doesn’t want us to. I wouldn’t expect them to visit, 77 is really old. I think both my grandparents stopped driving once they got in their 70s
Ni
I understand the age but they travel with their RV all over the northwest. But can’t seem to make it to important events. And the way I see it…they moved away from all of us. I feel like they should be making an effort to see family. Also we WANT to stay in a hotel when we travel over to see them. They always want us to stay with them but they have a TINY house and we have no where to sleep. So they get annoyed we stay at hotels.
I would focus on the love your daughter does get and not the love she doesn’t get. You can not make anyone do right by her. And I wouldn’t take plans with that grandma serious. You see who she is… and how she responds… so just keep low expectations even if u make plans. And daughter still sounds lucky to have other parents involved.
Stop telling her they’re coming. She’s 3, so the only real way she’s finding out is through you. If she ASKS, say you don’t know but if they don’t you’ll still have fun. Id be willing to bet you’re making it a bigger deal than your child is. As for your in laws, either talk with them or have your partner talk with them if it is that much of a big deal to you.
Invite them to stuff at your house, but don’t expect them to show up. Take it as a pleasant surprise if they do.You all seem kind of flakey as well to only visit people 3 hours away a few times a year. Whatever, man. Do whatever for for you and your husband. If they don’t try to participate, that’s their loss at the end of the day 🤷🏼♀️
Stop trying to see them or get them to come to you. At most have them video chat and that's it. These people are NOT interested in a deep relationship with you got your kids. Pretend they are distant relatives you send a card to. My SIL is like this. We don't even try with her. Like we attempt to invite her and her kids to stuff we are already doing but we don't expect anything from her. Cause she don't even like being around her own kids (who are almost always with the Nanny).
We have a problem with my SILs flaking. We don't tell our kids that their aunts will be at family dinner anymore unless it's literally at their house. That way they're happy to see the people who are there. Sometimes my 3yo will ask about them because they used to give every week, but we just try to redirect.
It’s worth talking to them about. I wouldn’t be mad but I would find out each other’s expectations and find a reasonable solution. If neither of you can increase visits would they be up for phone calls or video chats? Maybe set up an app or buy them a device so they can have online visits. Is there a halfway point between your homes where you can offer to pay for rooms and have an occasional weekend together? When I’m not sure if someone will cancel a visit I just don’t tell my children to expect the person/s in the first place. I just leave it as a surprise for them if they do show. That way the kids don’t get disappointed and the adults can talk the situation over later.
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